The Mustache Story
by Courtbcpsmskjjmd
Summary: Zuko's POV. My own set of hilariouse one-shots, from Zuko being emmbaressed to confident to sulky to smooth. Zuko finds himself in awkward and sometimes frightening positions with his so called 'friends' READ TO FIND OUT!
1. Mustache Story

The Mustache Story

Zuko sat inside The Avatar's circle of friends, after coming back from his 'Filed Trip' with Aang, most of the group was welcoming him with open arms. The Blind Earthbender was unusually eager to be friends with him. As he sat down between Toph and a boy with a mustache he started to wonder who the heck he was.

"So…" Mustache Man said to him. "You're the Prince of the Fire Nation huh?" Zuko didn't look at him wile he nodded. Then added.

"Former." He faintly heard a chuckle from a certain fourteen year old with bright blue eyes.

"My Father was captured by the Fire Nation," he shared. _Good for you,_ Zuko thought.

"Join the club," he said instead, though it was just as cruel. Toph laughed, as did Sokka and The Duke. Haru half glared at him.

When the laughter died down a little Aang came in as guru-goody-goody.

"That wasn't nice Zuko."

Zuko looked at the young boy, _you've gotta be kidding me…_ He thought.

The group was silent for a moment as they quietly listened to Toph and Sokka fight over the last bowl of rice and beans.

"So…?" Zuko quietly spoke to the Mustache Man who was evidently named Haru. _With a name like its surprising he could even _grow_ a mustache, _he thought.

"Yeah?" Haru asked with a hint of venom, though it was slight.

"How old are you anyway?" He didn't mean for it to come out so bluntly but he had been curious for sometime now, and was wondering if he was the same age as himself.

"Oh," he was surprised by the small question. "I'll be 16 soon." He answered smugly. Sokka looked up, accidentally letting Toph pull the bowl out of his hands, though he didn't seem to notice.

"Wait," his face dropped and became serious. "You're older than _me, _and yet you're constantly hitting on my _sister_!"

Katara coughed, choking on the spoon full she had just put in her mouth.

"Sokka!" She practically screamed. Haru's casual smiled dropped dramatically. Zuko's eyes widened and his scowl became slightly amused, or very amused.

"_You_ used to _date?"_ He asked, gesturing to the both of them. A deep shade of blush came over both they're faces. Zuko let out a deep laugh, Toph joined in.

"I knew it!" She laughed. Katara glared at her, thought the little girl kept laughing, mostly because she couldn't see it.

The Avatar suddenly went silent and looked at Katara with a hurt expression, that's when Zuko knew that Aang had true feelings for Katara. Zuko wasn't an idiot, he knew that Katara was beautiful. But Aang had only seen so many women in his life, and hardly any his age, so when he woke up in a beautiful girls arms he instantly fell in love.

"We Did. Not. _Date."_ Katara said immediately, looking right into Zuko's eyes. He mentally cursed himself for saying that, he already knew he was on thin ice, and this sent him back about 5 years before he could get her trust. Zuko couldn't help but snicker though, she gave him the if-you-say-anything-else-I'll-kill-you stare. Though the smile didn't fade from his lips.

"Don't deny it lil sis, I've seen the way guys look at you." Zuko thought he saw Sokka's eyes dart to him but quickly go back to his sister, he shrugged it off and continued to listen to the siblings banter.

"What _looks_!" She said with disgust.

"_The_ looks," he insinuated a different meaning to the word.

"Your disgusting Sokka." She said before walking off to her bedroom. Sokka shook his head and sat back down, looking towards Haru.

"I can't believe _you're_ older than _me_."


	2. Pretty Clouds

The ride to the boiling rock was long and utterly boring to the ex Fire Prince, and being with his Water Tribe ally wasn't a bundle of joy either. He had to give him credit though, the boy was at least trying to be friendly, and he knew that was more than he could ask for. It was odd to him that the boy could be so kind, where as his sister didn't give him the time of day, and when she did it was only to yell at him, which he knew well enough he deserved.

It still surprised him when the boy would strike up a conversation, though most were just about how pretty the clouds looked.

Hearing a low whistle Zuko turned to his companion.

"What?" He asked.  
"What Oh, I didn't say anything. You know, a friend of mine actually designed these war balloons."  
"No kidding?"  
"Yep. A balloon. But for War."  
" If there's one thing my Dad's good at it's War."  
"Yeah, it seems to run in the family." Sokka said nonchalantly.  
"Hey, hold on. Not everyone in my family is like that." Zuko defended.  
"I know, I know, you've changed."  
"I meant my Uncle. He was more of a Father to me. And I really let him down."  
_"_I think your Uncle would be proud of you. Leaving your home to come help us, that's hard."  
"It wasn't that hard." Zuko admitted.  
"Really You didn't leave behind anyone you cared about ?"  
"Well I did have a girlfriend. Mai."  
"That gloomy girl who sighs a lot ?"  
"Yeah. Everyone in the Fire Nation thinks I'm a traitor. I couldn't drag her into it."  
"My first girlfriend turned into the Moon."  
Zuko looked up to the sky. "That's rough buddy."

A small silence fell between them, but Sokka had to break the peace by speaking his mind and asked,

"Did you have any girlfriends before Mai?" he voiced his curiosity, then gave a toothy grin at the dumbfounded look on Zuko's face.

"I…er…had a few…" He quickly became deeply immersed in his Firebending.

"If you keep doing that we're going to fly into outer space," Sokka said, inquiring his Firebending. Zuko reluctantly stopped and answered his question.

"I never needed another girl, I've known Mai since we were kids, her and Ty Lee were always with Azula." He rolled his eyes and leaned on the side of the basket, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What, you didn't have _one_ other girl? There must have been-" He cut himself off and giggled to himself. "Or was it a _guy_?"

"**WHAT!**" Zuko nearly fell off the balloon, he tripped on his own feet and ended up sitting on his butt. "That's idiotic! Where would you even get such an idea!?" He demanded to know. Sokka only held his sides with laughter.

"You wouldn't tell me so…" Sokka broke out.

"No. That's stupid and idiotic and…" Zuko scrambled to his feet, wishing deeply he could have fallen over board.

"So _were_ there some girls?" Sokka asked again, more eagerly. Zuko hesitated, but answered truthfully.

"Yeah, I went on a date when I was in Ba Sing Se." He admitted.

"And…?" He prompted.

"And that's it. For the last three years I've been to busy traking down the Av-I mean Aang, that I didn't have time for girls." He shrugged, he still wasn't used to calling the Avatar by name.

"Like you didn't notice 'em," Sokka said sarcastically, rolling his eyes to add emphasis. Zuko grinned, he wasn't that much older than him but it still made a difference on just _how_ much he noticed about a girl. Those included now, when Katara was yelling at him or making him do extra chores, he couldn't help but notice her. But them again she was the only girl with the group, besides Toph, who didn't really count as a girl, much less a girl he though was-

He was pulled back to reality as Sokka spoke again.

"How many?"

"What?"

"How many girls have you dated?" He asked again, the look on his face was threatening, like he could beat his number. Zuko though a moment, lifting his hand to count on his fingers, mostly just to annoy Sokka, and judging by the way his face fell it worked.

Zuko chuckled.

"Just two. You?"

"Tw-elve." He answered with a toothy grin.

"Yeah right," Zuko called his bluff. Sokka grinned sheepishly.


	3. Passing Glance

**This is a deeper short I had lying around, I think its somewhat ironic. **

**3 years before the end of the war.**

Passing Glance

The thirteen-year-old boy sat down ungracefully at his spot under his tree, with the small pond at his feet.

Azula was on her second 'time' and he didn't feel like getting blown up at the moment.

Once of Azula's friends, the creepy one, was coming down the corridor, she pretended not to notice him but he could sense the deep blush rising on her face.

He didn't bother acknowledging her presence, he wasn't in the mood for her lifeless flirting that did nothing but make her sound and look stupid and girly, neither of which she was.

He let his eyes drift shut as she disappeared out of his view.

He knew full well that she had a crush on him, but he wasn't sure yet if the feeling was mutual.

And truthfully he thought the circus freak was cute.

He let the thought drift away; he had something more important to think about than two of the many girls around him.

His fourteenth birthday was tomorrow, and he knew what he was going to do…


	4. Pop, Bam, Sweat,

**This is a more zutara story, rated T for sugestive content! If you dont like Zuko then skip this chapter.**

**_Pop, Bam, Sweat,_**

Katara continued to pop her gum. The Earth Kingdome had created a rubber-based material, added some flavoring, and had created the first edible food known as Chewing Gum.

Katara had become hooked to the stuff; its sweet fruity flavoring could win over any weight watcher. Not that she was.

The continuing popping was driving the Fire Lord to the brink of insanity, he was glad Azula wasn't here, if she had gotten hold of the stuff the world would surly be in danger of needing haircuts. **(From all the gum in they're hair! Hahaha!)**

The Waterbender was currently sitting on his desk reading over the latest request for the banishment of Sokka and Toph. Who had 'accidentally' spiked one of Zuko's highest generals tea and had him walk through town in a pink kimono and crown, believing he was the queen of the Fire Nation.

As soon as the man regained consciousness he quickly filed to paperwork for a restraining order on the two.

"Can you believe how irresponsible Sokka can be?!" Katara raged.

Zuko looked up from his searching of his favorite brush in time for the scroll to hit him in the head when Katara flung it at him.

"Yes I can believe it," he replied, rubbing his forehead in the allusion it would take away the pain.

She gave him a curious look that implied him to go on.

"Toph is usually the one behind the massive-pedestrian-abuse, even when she's not wasted she sees things to be for her amusement. Sokka just joins in on the ride."

Katara giggled at his unintended pun on Toph's sight. Then bursting into laughter at the thought of Sokka "joining in for the ride".

"Grow up." He rolled eyes at her; she stuck her tongue out at him giving her all the more reason to "grow up". Her gum slipping out of her mouth and onto his desk, she wrinkled her nose then started laughing again.

"Being around Aang so much has gone to your head," he said passively as he got up to organize the current disaster of a room his office was.

"It has hasn't it?" She plucked the gum off the desk and tossed it into the trash.

"So why do you hang out with him?" he asked absent-mindedly.

"He's my boyfriend," she said matter-of-factly.

"Emphasis on the word _boy_," Zuko ducking in time to narrowly miss an ink splattered brush from hitting him in the chest, it landed on the wall with a soft 'bam' and slid down the wall, leaving and inky trail.

Katara clasped her hands over her mouth in horror.

"Its fine, the maids will clean it up." He shrugged.

"No, no, I've got it." She Waterbended the ink from the wall, and back into a pot on his desk.

Zuko continued to organize his small collection of books when Katara spoke again.

"What do you mean _boy_?" Zuko hesitated but answered truthfully.

"He's just now thirteen, your fifteen, isn't it a little grouse to be dating a kid who hasn't even hit puberty?" He said with disgust, she only laughed.

"Its not like we _do _anything," she picked herself up from sitting on Zuko's desk and glided over to him. "Besides,"-she laid a seductive hand on his chest, sweat gleamed on his brow- "isn't that what I'm _here_ for?"


	5. Shall We?

**I love Zuko/Sokka brotherly pairings! anything more is just disgusting *shivers* **

**So here is my next Zuko/Sokka brotherly pairing! and incase you may not have noticed from my other short stories I am a huge Zutarian, so most of my stories are going to have Zuko/Katara sujestiveness... **

**Please enjoy!!!**

**Shall We?**

Zuko and Sokka sat side by side in the Earth Kingdome banquet hall. Zuko sulking wile Sokka downed another drink; he and Suki were having a fight, so naturally he wanted to sulk. And who better to sulk with then the Lord of Sulk, Zuko.

Zuko mostly sat in silence, listening to the constant chattering of his companion complain about the hot girls he couldn't look at.

"Really, Sparky, you don't know how lucky you are to be single again." He said matter-of-factly, watching the many women each ask The Avatar for a dance. "Aang may be The Avatar, but there's only one thing better than that." Zuko waited for him to continue but seeing him waiting for an answer reluctantly asked.

"And what is that Wise Master Sokka?" Zuko asked sarcastically, earning a glare from his comrade.

"Being the Avatar's best friend! Both of us are! Well, you're his teacher, and nobody likes they're teachers, but you know what I mean."

"Mhhmm," Zuko nodded absent-mindedly, his eyes were on a particular dancer, half of the reason he ended it with Mai. He still had the scars to prove she wasn't happy about it.

"Seriously, he just gets to sign stuff and dance with them, anymore and he's considered a slimebucket."

"That's a new one…"

She danced with a familiar figure -the Fire Lord couldn't remember his name- his dark brown mustache reminded Zuko of multiple crude jokes he himself had made during his first few weeks as a part of the group.

"We, on the other hand, -well not you I guess, being Fire Lord and all…"

She moved gracefully, her body coming closer to the Earthbender, then away again.

He suddenly felt a ting of jealousy.

She was wrongly teasing him, knowing full well she was hurting him by getting his hopes up wile she was still with Aang.

"But really! He should get over her, I mean it's been almost a month and he's still being good! He's got some self control, I'll give him that." Sokka said as he pulled another bottle close to him.

Seeing Zuko's gawking expression he fallowed his gaze to a familiar tan body.

"DUDE!" Zuko turned his head sharply to stare at his friend questioningly.

"I heard you," he defended. "You don't have to shout like a banshee, but then again when do you not?" He smirked as he turned his gaze back onto Katara.

Feeling a sharp pain in his forearm he looked back to the now enraged Sokka.

"What?" He asked innocently.

"You were goggling my _sister_!" He raised his arms in the air for emphasis. Zuko was hesitant to answer, but decided it wasn't worth denying.

"_Goggling_ may not be the necessary term, I was simply admiring her-"

"You were checking her out!" Sokka was practically freaking out now, the universe must hate him more than he thought; every guy he hung out with had to go and mess it up by hitting on his sister!

"What? You were the one saying we-"

"Not on my sister!" Zuko rolled his eyes at his friend's over reaction. "She wouldn't even give you a chance, anyway." Sokka's words were out before he could think of what the response might be.

"_Oh really_?" Zuko raised an eyebrow challengingly. Getting up, -ignoring the complaints from Sokka- he strolled up to Katara.

She was in the middle of talking to Suki beside the drink table.

"He's taking it really hard, you'd think he'd be over me by now, with all those pretty girls throwing themselves at him." Katara was saying, Zuko guessed she was talking about Aang.

"Its sad how much he gave himself to you, he must not have ever thought of life without you in it." Suki answered just as Zuko walked up.

"Hi Zuko," Katara looked genuinely pleased to see him. "I'll talk to you later Suki." Suki nodded, smiling briefly at Zuko before turning to enjoy the rest of the party. "I'm guessing you heard about mine and Aang's break up," her gaze fell to the ground and a light blush covered her cheeks.

"Partially, but I didn't come over here to try and comfort you,"-he snorted- "I wanted to ask if you'd like to dance?" He flashed a gleaming smile that usually won over just about any girl.

"Um…" She looked over Zuko shoulder; he turned intime to see Sokka shaking his head angrily before he started whistling to himself. "Why is he saying 'no'?" She questioned.

"He's had three bottles of wine, what'd you expect?" He lied casually grabbing her hand and towed her to the dance floor just as a song was ending and a slower one stared.

Katara draped her arms around his neck; they had danced together like this before, so why did she feel self-conscious now? She thought to herself.

"How are you and Mai?" She started conversation as soon as they were in time with the music.

"We… uh… aren't seeing each other anymore." He tried to drop his gaze from her piercing blue eyes to the ground but looked back up immediately.

He could see Sokka out of the corner of his good eye glaring daggers at him.

"Looks like we're both single now huh?" Katara gave one humorless laugh as she tried to avoid eye contact.

This was good, she was nervous.

"Not unfortunate," he moved to where they're stomachs were practically touching. The blood in her face shone a bright red as she tried to hide a smile.

"No…" She eyed him suspiciously, a small grin playing on her lips.

He let his hands slid down her back to just above her hips, he heard Sokka clear his throat loudly.

She heard it and pulled his face closer to hers, they're noses millimeters away from touching.

"Lets give Sokka something worth watching, shall we?"

And the distance between they're lips closed, Zuko let his hands fall as he started groping her. He licked her bottom lip, asking for entrance. Parting her lips she tangled her fingers in her hair, feeling the silky texture of it.

He was ready to lead her to an empty room when he felt a tight grip pull him away from her.

"Ok, you've had your fun. Now leave her alone Zuko." Sokka said decisively.

**....**

**Please Sub and Review! I have manny more hilariouse Zuko shorts to come!!**


	6. Even Now?

**I got this idea by reading an old fanfic by someone else, I appoligize to who ever it was, it was just so good I had to make my own! Its a Zutara/Sokki-Sukka. Zuko Sokka-protective-older-brother-ly.**

**Please enjoy!**

**0o0o0o**

**Even Now?**

"I can climb a cliff!"

"So can I, and faster!"

"I can handle a sword!"

"I can handle twin swords, that's twice as good!"

It usually started with a simple statement by Zuko, usually something small that the group happen to be talking about, and once Zuko let something slip, like knowing how to whistle, Sokka had to beat it by saying he could do something twice that good. It would usually end up in a fistfight, or Aang would step in and politely tell them they were both special in there own way, then the fight would start.

"Your just jealous 'cause I have a hot girlfriend," Sokka stated crossing his arms.

"And your jealous because I've actually gotten to third base," Zuko retorted calmly.

"I've gotten to third base!" He defended loudly enough for the rest of the group to gather around and enjoy the show.

"Right," Zuko replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes to add emphasis. "And I'm a flying hog-monkey." He knew Sokka hated it when someone else used sarcasm.

"You look like one," Sokka answered with a sly grin.

And so it began…

"I'm older than you!"

"I'm gonna be chief!" Sokka retorted.

"I am Fire Lord!" Zuko countered.

"Girls think I'm cute!"

"Girls think I'm hot."

"Cute is way better than hot!"

"No its not!"

"I've kissed more girls!"

"Yeah two!"

"That's still pretty good!"

"No its not!"

"I kissed the Moon spirit!"

Zuko grinned evilly. "I kissed your sister."

"Zuko!" Katara screeched from the sidelines.

Sokka fell silent, the small group burst into giggles, not including an embarrassed Waterbender, who was wishing for nothing else but to blend into the background and disappear.

"WHAT!?" Sokka was finally able to say to the smug Fire Lord.

"I've kissed your sister, a lot." He clarified with a smirk and a wink to Katara who had her face berried in her hands trying desperately not to be seen.

"I heard you the first time," he glared at him. He turned to his baby sister, "Dad's gonna be so happy when he finds out your _dating_ _the Enemy_!" He added extra venom to the end.

"The Fire Nation isn't the enemy any more Sokka, and don't think I don't have dirt on you as well." She threatened.

Sokka shrugged his shoulders, "I'm pretty sure whatever I did isn't a secret, and not nearly as gross."

"Oh really?" She gestured to Suki, who was standing next to her; she stopped giggling as soon as she realized the situation.

"Oh… Right… I forgot to tell you Sokka," she walked up to his and whispered something in his ear.

"YOUR WHAT!?"

"_Pregnant_," Katara answered with a smug smile as she came to stand beside Zuko.

"I guess you did get to third base…" Zuko apologized.

"Congratulations Sokka, now if you'll excuse me," Katara grabbed hold of Zuko shirt and towed him into a near bedroom with an evil grin on her face.

"I think you two are even," Suki noted, rubbing her belly affectionately.

o0o0o

**To short I know, but I have been busy with christmas stuff and everything, I'll try to get out of writers block and add some more! please sub! Please review!**


	7. Sick Old Men and Full Moons

**This is rated T for good reason. I hope it makes you smile! if not.... tell me and I'll work harder next time.**

**Sick Old Men and Full Moons**

"I'm not doing this uncle!" Zuko yelled as he started to make his way across the small teashop to the door so he could leave.

"Please?" Iroh pleaded, "For an old mans sake?"

"No," Zuko answered flatly.

"Then for the girl," he continued to pry at his nephews' self-restraint; he knew that if he asked enough times he would give in.

"Fine! But there is no girl," Zuko denied, crossing the room to stand by his uncle. "How am I supposed to dance without a partner?" He hoped with would be his way out.

"I've got that covered. Come on out," he gestured to the kitchen door where two women stood waiting.

"Chose your partner," the old man motioned for the two girls to come and stand beside him.

"I'm not dancing with Suki," he rolled his eyes, Sokka had jealously issues and he preferred to be on the opposite side of the space sword.

"I get to dance with Sparky," Toph answered with a groan. He looked down at the girl, she had grown considerably since the war ended a year ago, but she was still half his size.

"I don't think so Toph," he put a hand on top on hear head to show how much taller she was since she couldn't actually see.

"Then I guess that leaves me?" A silky voice spoke up from the kitchen door, where a tan body was lazily leaning on the doorframe. Her piercing blue eyes stood out from her dark red robes, her wavy brown hair falling down her shoulders and framing her face.

Zuko gulped audibly.

"U-Uh sure," he cleared his throat as she came and put a hand lightly on his shoulder and the other in his, he carefully placed his hand on her lower back as she smirked at him. She loved every minute of this torture, he knew.

As Iroh started to play the music they set in step with the rhythm.

"Your not bad, so why is he making you do this?" She asked quietly so only he could hear, Suki was busy criticizing the way Toph's hair fell in her face, and Iroh had his eyes closed as he played the instrument intently.

"He's a sick old man, trust me." She giggled at this, bringing a small grin to his face.

As the tempo slowed Katara moved the hand that wasn't already on his right shoulder to his left shoulder as he fallowed suit and placed his other hand on her lower back.

"I think he's nice," she countered.

"You haven't lived with him," he pointed out. "The sick side comes out during a full moon."

"I resent that," she gasped playfully. "Full Moons bring out the best in people."

"And I didn't think Sokka let you use sarcasm," he retorted.

"Are you saying I'm mean during a Full Moon?" She questioned, suddenly Iroh switched songs and started playing a much fast beat.

"I'm saying you get competitive and stubborn, but that's not just during a Full Moon." He twirled her around and pulled her so that her back was facing him and his arms were around her chest.

"Well what do I get when it's a Full Moon?" She asked curiously with a sly grin.

"Horny." She gasped as he dunked her.

"Tonight's a Full Moon…" She winked seductively at him.

-----

**I know Katara isnt that flirty but in my mind it worked. Please review! after 12 reviews I will post my next Hilariouse short!!! thats just 3 more for those of you who cant count, :) **

**Please Review!!!!!!!!!! And Sub!!!!!!!! I love your comments!!!!**


	8. Drinking Contest

**I got this idea in the middle of the nightn luckilly I wrote it down becuse I forgot it as soon as I woke up. But I just HAD to write it! Its veary OOC but Thats what makes it funny! I really Hope you like it, but keep an open mind as you read it, it'll be funnyer that way. **

**Drinking Contest** or **Watermelon Juice**

"Hey Zuko, try this!"

And that's where his memory was lost.

Zuko opened his eyes to a blurry ray of Sunshine coming from his open window that faced the beautiful ocean view of Ember Island, _-the gaang had decided to have a much needed vacation from the kayos ordinary living- _

He shifted slightly in his silk sheets to get away from the blinding sunlight, when he realized he could feel the cold silk sheets in places that were supposed to be covered.

Shifting to where his back was against the sun he jumped back in surprise at what he found lying beside him.

At first he thought it might be Mai, _-though he didn't see how, they'd been broken up for almost a full year now- _but then he saw the unmistakable face of a very familiar fifteen-year-old girl.

He nearly jumped out of his skin at what he saw.

A sleeping. Naked. Toph.

"Can you explain to me why you're in bed with my best friend?" a teasing voice said from behind him.

"Katara! I-" He started to sit up when he remembered that cold feeling from earlier. As she tossed a pair of red trousers at his head he began apologizing for what he assumed he did.

"Katara, I had no idea- I don't remember anything- but that's not a excuse I should never have-" He rushed to try and get the correct words out, he knew one wrong sentence and he would be frozen to the wall.

"Quiet! You'll wake her up," she stood up from her seat and began making her way to the door.

Zuko quickly and thankfully pulled on the pants and followed her into the large living space.

"Here, drink this," he shoved a glass of murky liquid into his hands. "It will help with the hangover." He hadn't yet realized the pulsing migraine in his head; gratefully he drank the foul gunk.

"So what do you remember?" She asked as he sat down on the large red loveseat, she sat on his lap as he racked his brain for anything that would make his early morning surprise even remotely possible.

"I remember Sokka handing me some watermelon juice, then its fuzzy." He squinted his eyes, trying desperately to remember.

"Well, Sokka had slipped some Cactus juice into it, luckily it wasn't much, but it was from a different plant then the one he drank form in the desert." Katara clarified.

"So?"

"So basically you were drunk, that's why you've got a hangover." She said mater-of-factly. He nodded, it made sense, Sokka was a jerk and Zuko defiantly wasn't feeling his best this morning.

"So how did I…" He trailed off awkwardly.

"Sokka slipped all of us the stuff, but Toph drank it gladly." She smirked at her joke.

"And…" He prompted.

"And you and Toph somehow started and argument, Toph said 'grow some'," she took her eyes away from his as the blush appeared on her face. "And you claimed you had some… you can see where this leads." She giggled slightly to herself.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know! I swear! I was delusional! I don't know how I could betray you like this," he bowed his head shamefully.

"Who says I was left out?" She smiled seductively.

________

**Ok!! So I know its short and that it kinda just ends but thats kinda my writing style, to let the reader finish the story them self. I hope you laughed! and if you have any funny ideas for some Zuko shorts Please let me know! I'm in a little bit of writers block (AHHHHHHH!!!!) and could use your help!**

**Thanks for reading! Please Review and Sub!!!!!!!!!!!!!! more funnyness comming soon!!!! I promis!!**


	9. Emo

**I wanted to try a new wrighting style. And this is what it turned into!!! Hope you enjoy!!!**

**Emo **

"For the hundredth time Sokka, I'm not an Emo!"

"That's just what an Emo would say!"

"No its not!"

"How would you know, your not Emo, remember?"

"But you just said I was?"

"Yes."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Your so Gothic."

"I'm not Gothic either, have you ever seen me wear black?"

"No but Aang has."

"When?"

"When you were the blue spirit and you guys-"

"It wasn't like that!"

"That's not what Aang says."

"AANG!!"

"Yeah Zuko?"

"What'd you tell Sokka about when I saved you from Zhao?"

"Uh-Nothing-I-Uh."

"You lied! You're a lying Monk!"

"No-I-uh- Exaggerated!"

"There was nothing to exaggerate!"

"That's not what Katara says." Sokka pipes in.

"How does Katara even fit into this?"

"Ask her."

"Katara!"

"Yes Zuko?"

"What'd you tell Sokka?"

"I-Uh-Nothing!"

"You told him about-"

"I hope you're not about to say what I think you're about to say!" Sokka yells.

"But didn't she tell you? Katara you were supposed to tell him."

"You just said not to tell him!"

"I-Uh-Never mind."

"What does he not want you to tell me, Katara?"

"That we're-uh- together?"

"YOUR WHAT!" Aang squeals.

"Aang I-"

"YOU LEFT ME FOR _HIM???_"

"No-maybe-yes… But I was with him before we broke up-"

"KATARA!" Zuko yells.

"I'm sorry Zuzu, it just slipped out! You did the same with Mai."

"What did she just say, Zuko?" Mai comes up from behind Zuko.

"I-uh-didn't-why what did you hear?"

"When'd she get here?" Sokka asks himself.

"You told me not to break up with you! And besides it began before we got back together!"

"Zuko! We agreed not to tell anyone about that!" Katara shrieked.

"We were locked in a cave together, it's not hard to figure out!"

"Figure what out?" Aang asks himself.

"You didn't Katara?" Sokka asks, repulsed.

"He just seemed so sweet and venerable…" Katara says dreamily. Mai growls at Zuko.

"You said I was the only one who ever saw you like that!"

"That-uh-wasn't completely true…" He rubs the back of his neck.

"There's someone else, isn't there!" Mai dares him.

"…?"

"Where have you been?" Sokka asks her.

"Wait, I'm confused!" Aang says.

"I'm with Zuko now," Katara says to Mai.

"No your not!"

"Yes she is," Sokka points out. "You were here two minutes ago, how could you miss that?" Mai and Katara give each other death glares.

"Who's with who?" Aang asks again.

"Who else have you been with?" Katara challenges Zuko.

"Um, just one other girl!"

"WHO!"

"Jin," he answers quietly.

"Who?"

"He just told you," Mai answers.

"She must not be important," Sokka guesses.

"Did you kiss her?" Mai asks him.

"Um-we-uh-she kissed me."

"What about Jun!" Katara dares.

"You mean Jin?" Sokka corrects.

"No."

"Nothing happened between me and Jun!" Zuko denies.

"He's right, she was the first Zutara shipper," Sokka comments.

"…?" The group looks at him like he's just sprouted another head.

"What?"

"_Zutara_?" Zuko retorts.

"Zuko, mixed with Katara." Mai clarifies.

"EEWW!"

"Your disgusting Sokka! She doesn't mean like _that_." Katara says.

"Not that that's not what happened," Zuko smirks.

"WHAT?!" Mai yells.

"I'M STILL CONFUSED!" Aang crys.

"Hey guys, what are you…" Suki and Toph come in to see Aang passed out, Mai killing Zuko, Katara trying to crawl in a hole and die, and Sokka looking upon the seen with horror.

"They must have found out about Zuko and Katara's little _adventures_," Toph guessed.

"Oh that explains it," Suki shrugged.

**This is one of my more random shorts, I think it turned out pretty decent. Please tell me what you think!!!!!!!!! **

**!!!!Review/Sub!!!!**


	10. Completely Fake

**AN: I had this idea just like I get my best ones! at midnight when I'm trying deperatly to sleep. I HAD to write this one. I hope you like it, once againg it is sugjestive Zutara, but also Kataang, no Maiko. And once againg Sokka being the protective olderbrother! yay! Please enjoy!!! **

**Completely Fake**

Zuko, Sokka, and Suki, were the first to enter the sleazy Earth Kingdome Tavern, as Sokka had demanded they visit. Zuko wasn't ecstatic about the idea of dragging a drunken Sokka all the way back to the motel they were staying at, but it beat Aang's idea of going _dancing_.

So here he was, surrounded by muscular drunks, in an enclosed space, with flammable objects… Nothing could possibly go wrong!

"Hey Zuko," Sokka gestured for him. "I've got a favor to ask-"

"No," he replied flatly.

"You haven't even heard what I have to ask!"

"I don't need to, you're predictable." Zuko stated.

"C'mon, this isn't that bad, I promise." He persuaded.

"Uh-huh, that's what you said when we went cliff diving, I still have the scars to prove it!" He growled at him.

"I was just adding to your collection," Sokka gave him a toothy grin before Zuko mumbled an 'I'm outta here'

"I'm kidding Zuko!" He grabbed his arm before he could get to far. "Really, its not bad, I just need you to pretend to be Katara's date for awhile."

"Not bad huh? You sure make great promises. Besides, she's with Aang." Zuko stated.

"The guys here don't care about that," Sokka said, wrapping one arm around Zuko shoulders brotherly, "he's just a kid and between you and me"-Sokka poked his chest-"Katara's way out of his league. You on the other hand, are older and look tougher, no punks gonna mess with you." Sokka proceeded in trying to talk him into the scheme.

"I look tough?" Zuko asked disbelievingly.

"Sure you do, with that scar it means you either got into a big fight, or you're a major wimp." Sokka grinned triumphantly, not knowing what he said.

"Actually a little of both," Zuko shrugged, he was past getting upset at people mentioning his scar, he knew it was the first part of him people saw, and sometimes the only part. But he still refused to give into Sokka's plan. "I see your logic, but I'm bad on a _real_ date, what makes you think I could pull off a fake one?"

"You'll figure something out," he patted him once on the shoulder.

"And if I do this, what do I get out of it?" Zuko challenged as Sokka released him. Sokka had nothing that he wanted, thus he had a feasible excuse not to go through with this.

"I'll take over Aang's jerkbending practice and teach him some sword moves, he could use some weapons training." Sokka replied over his shoulder before running to Suki's side. Figuring he was going to go through with Sokka's idea anyway, he went in search for Katara.

It wasn't hard; three rough looking guys were already surrounding her, with Aang nowhere in sight. Just as one man began to sit down next to her Zuko put an agitated had on his shoulder.

"Hey," he said defensively, standing up to his full height above Zuko. Though Zuko hadn't grown much since the end of the war, he was still a good size, and the man was only half a head taller than him. "There something I can do for you?"

"Yeah, you can stay away from her," having plenty of experience with his type, Zuko knew exactly how to get this jerk to back off. He twisted just slightly so he could wink at Katara without the men seeing, luckily she nodded in understanding and came to stand by him.

"Hi honey," she stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, "I missed you." She said sweetly. Zuko couldn't help the smirk when he saw the men's disappointed faces. They walked away with slumped shoulders as Katara and Zuko sat down on two of the bar stools.

"Thanks, I was starting to wonder if I was going to have to freeze him to the wall." Katara admitted thankfully.

"No problem, but just so you know, Sokka wants us to '_pretend_ _date'_ tonight, so no other jerks can come onto you." Zuko refused to take his eyes off the greasy bar counter, afraid to see the look on her face.

"That sounds… like Sokka. But what could you possibly get out of it?" It sounded like she changed her sentence in the middle.

"Besides being seen with a beautiful girl like you?" Zuko said playfully, causing her to giggle. "He agreed to take over Aang's Firebending training."

"Uh, no offence, but I thought you knew he wasn't a bender?" she mocked.

"Ha, ha, very funny. He decided Aang needed some basic knowledge on how to use a sword. Plus, I needed a break from him." Zuko answered.

"Who, Sokka? Yeah we all do." Katara rolled her eyes agreeably.

"No Aang. You've taught him before, you know how annoying he can get." He realized to late that he might have gone to far, seeing as how she was dating him. Regardless, she laughed.

"Yeah, he tends to goof off. But once you get his attention he responds more." Zuko snorted.

"I don't think you ever had a problem getting his attention," he raised an eyebrow accusingly. She giggled again.

"No, I didn't, but I've watch his Earth and Firebending training and he does tend to drift off."

"Its not the daydreaming that's the problem, its getting him back from it."

"Daydreaming? What are you talking about?" She asked ignorantly. Zuko eyed her carefully.

"You didn't honestly believe he was staring at you _necklace_ did you?" He inquired. She looked at him questioningly until he rolled his eyes and whispered the answer in her ear. She gasped.

"Aang isn't like that, he's just a kid." Zuko smirked at her reaction; he never guessed she was this blissfully unaware.

"He's thirteen," Zuko said before the bartender came up to him and asked if him and his girlfriend would like anything to drink. They both automatically opened they're mouths to object when Zuko quickly answered yes.

"What are you doing?" Katara asked after Zuko had ordered them drinks, "We're underage." Zuko shrugged and handed Katara her glass.

"Your point?" She carefully took the glass and fallowed Zuko in taking a swig; only it was more of a sip in her case. He chuckled. "Its not poison, Katara, a little won't do any harm."

"Oh? And how would you know this?" She challenged. Zuko shrugged.

"Mai had a thing for Fire Whisky," he referred to his ex-girlfriend-they broke up shortly after the end of the war- Katara's triumphant grin faded and she replied a sad "oh."

They sat in awkward silence for a moment until another man came up on Katara's right.

"Hey babe," he wasn't big like the other men, but skinny and weak, his hair smoothed back into a tight ponytail. "How 'bout a dance?" Just as Zuko stood up Katara also did and backed into his arms, playing up the part, she grabbed both his arms and wrapped them around her waist, whilst smirking at the suave man.

"I don't think my _boyfriend_ would like that very much," she told him. The man gulped loudly.

"_He's_ your boyfriend? That kid over there was saying you were his," he pointed towards the other side of the room where Aang was watching them with horror. Katara gasped but didn't try and free herself from Zuko's arms. It didn't take long for Aang to rush out the door with a hurt expression.

As the man walked away Katara looked up at Zuko, who looked back down at her innocently.

"Completely fake," he told her as he awkwardly released her.

"Just pretend," she agreed.

**o0o0o**

**That was longer than usual... kewl! **

**Ok who wants to hear what happened to Zuko when he and Sokka went cliff diving???? let me know if you want me to post that one! **

**Review/Sub!!!!! **


	11. Peanut Butter Knock Up

**A/N: Oh man! This one has got to be one of my best! I think its safe to say I am officialy out of my writers block! thanks to all the ppl who revewed my first chapters, and for asking me to keep making more. Other wise I might not have been motivated to do anything. **

**Some of youmay have been wondering why I dont put disclaimers, most likly you havent. But I just thought I'd clarify that if anyone really wanted to sue me, I think they'd get that I'm not the owner, otherwise I'd probbly be a lot better wrighter!**

**Ok So here it is! I hope you laugh as hard as I did wile I was wrighting this! (got some strange looks from my family for laughing at my computer screen...) So my wish for you, Please laugh!!!!!**

**Peanut Butter Knock Up and Interrogation**

A bag was suddenly pulled off his head, revealing a blindingly bright light and two figures in front of him. He was sitting in a chair in a dark room; with rock gloves holding him down, when he tried to pull out of them they tightened on his wrist painfully.

"Where am I?" He asked the blue and green figures standing before him.

"Oh, don't you know?" A familiar voice asked in a mysterious tone.

"Sokka? What are you doing? Why am I tied up?" He asked his bizarre friend.

"You know exactly what you did," Toph said from beside Sokka. He felt a small hand slap the side of his face.

"Ouch! Toph!" He said, irritated. They had no reason not to trust him, so why were they interrogating him?

"Shut up!" she slapped him again, this time harder.

"Ugh, Toph I-" another slap.

"I said Shut Up!"

"Toph, I think the defendant gets it." Sokka put a hand on her tiny shoulder to prevent further damage.

"_Defendant_?!" He scoffed. Toph raised her hand again but Sokka pushed her away.

"Ok listen, Mr. Fire Lord Sir, we have reason to believe you did something despicable and unforgivable! Do you admit to having done this evil?"

"What unforgivable thing have I not done in the past? I've changed, I don't do any kind of _evil_ anymore." He answered, obviously annoyed at his predicament.

"Listen Lord Sparky!" Toph was suddenly much to close for comfort. "Do you admit to it? Or don't you?!" She yelled. Zuko thought back to what he could have possibly done that would make either one angry.

"I don't _think_ I did anything!" He replied angrily.

"You don't think, huh? Well think harder!" Toph demanded, and he did.

After a few moments Toph was grabbing the front of his shirt. "Well?!" She demanded to know.

"I can't think of anything… unless… but-"

"What did you do?!" Toph tugged harder at his shirt, pulling a few of his hairs out. He looked apologetically at Sokka.

"I'm sorry-I didn't mean for anything to come from it-"

"What did you do?!" Toph asked again before Sokka roughly pulled her back and away from Zuko.

"Listen Zuko, you know what you did, and we know what you did. So why don't you admit to it already?" Sokka asked calmly. A drop of sweat came down from Zuko's temple as he prepared himself to say this out loud.

"I got Katara pregnant."

"You WHAT?!" Sokka screeched while behind him Toph snickered.

"You asked, Snoozels."

A black sword was suddenly at Zuko's throat.

"How could you, Zuko? I should cut off your throat for this!" Sokka told him.

"Wouldn't it make more sense to cut off his junk?" Toph mocked, trying to hold back her giggles.

"Hey, hey. I thought you were supposed to be the Good Cop Sokka?" He tried to joke breathlessly; obviously it wasn't going to lighten the mood. "Why are you so mad at me if you already knew?"

"Because we weren't interrogating you about _that_!" The sword dropped from his throat as Sokka slumped his shoulders.

"Then what did I do?" Zuko asked dumbly.

"You ate the last Peanut Butter Cookie," Sokka said sadly.

"THAT'S IT! You put me through this for a COOKIE?!" Sokka stumbled backward a few steps at the sudden outburst, like it was so wrong to hate someone for stealing the last cookie. "I was there Sokka, Toph ate it!" Zuko commented mater-of-factly, though his temper was still flaring.

Sokka turned to the blind Earthbender.

"You lied to me!" he pointed an accusing finger at her. "You told me it was him!"

"Yeah, well, we all make mistakes. Nobody's perfect, Sokka."

"Don't quote that stupid song to me! You know darn well who in this room is perfect. Sokka crossed his arms across his chest chiefly.

"Yeah, not Zuko. He got Princess royally knocked up!"

"Ugh! Toph!" Sokka looked at her, clearly repulsed.

"What are you guys doing in here? Why is Zuko tied up? Why are you looking at me like that?" Katara had opened the door and was now standing in the dimly lit broom closet that was surprisingly roomy enough to fit three people and a chair.

"Katara, how could you not tell me?" Sokka asked her disappointedly.

"What are you talking about Sokka?" She asked wearily as she came to untie Zuko and get the rock gloves off.

"That you were… You' know _pregnant_." He told her.

"That I'm what?!" She demanded to know just as Toph appeared by her side.

"Pregnant. Knocked up, bun in the oven, however you want to say it, they all mean the same thing. Congrats Katara, you're a mommy!" She raised he arms above her head to for emphasis.

"No I'm not Toph, where would you two even get an idea like that?" They both pointed at the person sitting in the chair.

"Zuko," they answered together. She glared down at him and he looked up at her with an apologetic grin.

"I, um, wasn't sure… They were questioning me and it's the only thing I thought I could have done…" He searched for words that could make the situation less awkward.

"Let me ask you something Zuko. Do I look _pregnant_ to you?" She placed her hands on her hips challengingly.

"Well you have been gaining some weight…"

"WHAT?!"

"Ohh," Sokka dragged.

"That was real smart of you Sparky," Toph snickered.

Just as Katara was begging her rant at Zuko, Aang came in through the open door.

"What's going on in here? I've been hearing a lot of yelling."

"Well, in short;" Sokka answered. "Katara's pregnant, Zuko's an idiot, and Toph ate the last cookie. Any more questions? Because I think Zuko might die in a few minutes."

"Yep, those hormones are already kickin' in!" Toph grinned.

"I'm not pregnant Toph!"

**A/N: Yeah, I never decided wheather or not she should be, so... Yeah, I got the idea of having Sokka and Toph interrogate Zuko becuse he ate the last cookie, then I elaborated. I think my fave part is where he tells Sokka that Toph ate it... I just thought thatd be SO like her!!!! Ok so PLEASE REVIEW!!!! other wise I might never post another Zuko short again!!!!!!!! For Zuko's sake, please review and tell me how I'm doing *begging* and Sub, cuz if you review then I plan on having a new short every week!! probably... maybe... it could happen ok!!! wow I need to stop drinking the cactus juice.... :D**

**!!!!!SUB/REVIEW!!!!!**


	12. Hysterical Frustration

**A/N: OMG! this is good!!! It might not make sence the first time you read it so read it slowly. Its fast, sorry, but I had to make it that way so it would be funnyer. In all, I can BELIEVE how pervy it is!!!!!!!!!! Keep an open mind when reading, becuse it might not make sence. I get it, and I laughed the ENTIRE time I was writing it!!!! **

**This could be tittaled Short Attention Spans or Talking to Ideots or M.H.F for Maniacly Hysterical Frustration, but I just decided that one was ok for now. I do recomend readers under the age of 13 not read, mostly becuse it wound make ANY sence!! Thats why these are rated T, and get offtly close to the line of M. Its mostly just suggestive, no acctual words are used (mostly cuz I cant bring myself to write them and its funnyer with different words) **

**My wish for you- Laugh your heads off, becuse I sure did writing it!!!!!**

**Hysterical Frustration**

Upon Sokka's orders the group sat around the table in Zuko's war chamber; each looking at the other with confused expressions as to why they were there.

"Alright Team Avatar," Sokka walked smugly through the large doors entering the chamber. "We have a mission," he announced excitedly.

"Oooh, do we get to be ninja's like Sugar Queen and Sparky did?" Toph pretended to chop invisible objects with her hands.

"We weren't Ninja's-"

"Can we actually kill someone now! I wanna collect some blood between my toes!" Toph slammed her hands on the table loudly in excitement.

"I don't feel comfortable with-" Aang began.

"Do we get cool spy gadgets?" her blind eyes pointed in the direction of Zuko. "I want a flame thrower!" She pointed at him from across the table.

"I'm not a gadget and I'm not a spy-"

"Yeah, I think you covered that with the whole _'I've changed' _bit." Katara giggled from Zuko's left side as he glared at her.

"Zuko's right," she put her hands up in surrender. "He's not a spy, and he defiantly doesn't have any gadgets." She told the group innocently until Sokka's palm collided with his forehead and Toph burst into laughter. Zuko hit his head on the table, and Aang looked at her with equal confusion. "Did I say something funny?"

"Well-"

"No," Sokka interrupted Toph's comment. "Listen guys, this is vary important and I need your full attention." Toph bit back her giggles and pretended to be looking at Sokka intently. "Thank you."

"What was the joke?" Aang asked, completely ignorant of Sokka's frustration. Toph pointed at Zuko.

"Katara said he didn't have any-"

"_Toph!_" Zuko yelled in betrayal.

"What did I say?" Katara asked him; he frowned at her, then whispered the answer in her ear. She gasped. "That's not at all what I meant!" Toph let out a single grim laugh.

"How would you even know if it was true or not?" She dared, Katara glared at her.

"LISTEN TO ME!" Sokka yelled over they're banter.

"I still don't get it," Aang raised his hand like he was in a classroom.

"We'll explain later Aang, right now we need to-"

"Who's going to explain?" Zuko demanded to know.

"Me and you," Sokka told him before Zuko shook his head defiantly. Sokka glared at him. "We're both men, we gotta teach this stuff to him."

"Your questionable Sokka, but Zuko's _not_ a _man_." Toph said as she propped her feet up on the red wood table that was easily four hundred years old.

"Toph, this table is and antique, you cant put your feet on it!" Zuko scolded while ignoring her comment about his manhood.

"I can and I am!" She told him, he growled in response.

"_Zuko_! Did you just _growl_ at her?!" Katara somehow managed to put her hands on her hips while sitting in the chair and look incredibly challenging. His expression of anger fell to embarrassment.

"I-Uh."

"Katara! Zuko! Stop arguing and listen to the mission!" Sokka tossed his head back in frustration.

"Sorry," they both murmured.

"Ok," he took a deep breath so as to begin his speech. "General Bu Tang of the Earth Kingdome has-"

"General _what_?!" Toph yelled loudly in amusement.

"Bu Tang," Zuko answered.

"BUTT AANG?!"

"No! _Boo Tang_!" Sokka screeched.

"GENERAL _BOOMERANG_?!" She somehow managed to scream louder in between hysterical laughter, this time even Zuko covered his mouth with his hands to hold back the laughs, wile beside him Katara looked disgusted and covered her face. Aang continued to be totally ignorant to the dirty jokes going around his group, while Sokka's jaw dropped in embarrassment.

"NO TOPH!" he yelled at her, but it only fueled her hysterics. Zuko lost his control a few times and had to bite down on his lip until it drew blood.

Once the laughing deflated into random giggles, Sokka tried to start again.

"Will you guys listen long enough for me to even get this out?" he questioned parentally.

"Sure," the group mumbled.

"Thank you. So as I was saying, some guy in the Earth Kingdome has lost-"

"Oh Zuko your lip's bleeding," Katara noted with concern. Once again Toph broke into maniacal giggles.

"His lip's bleeding, and your-"

"TOPH!" Katara screamed in repulsion, then hid her face back behind her hands before the deep red blush could be seen too much.

"What was she going to- Ooohhh," Zuko dragged in realization; then looked away to hide his own blush. Sokka was about to question them but thought better of it.

"Will you insane people zip your mouths shut so I can get this out?!" He demanded of them; then slapped his palm against his forehead when three mouths were dramatically zipped shut and the key thrown away. -Except Zuko, who was to mature for such dramatics-

"Good, now keep 'em shut." Sokka ordered, then continued on with his lecture. "So, as I was saying, one of the Earth Kingdome Generals-" Toph snickered "-has lost his teenage daughter and hasn't seen her in a few days."

"Maybe she just ran away with someone? So they could pursue a life of true love without the aversion from they're parents?" Katara suggested dreamily.

"Where do you come up with these hypocritical stories Katara? Oh right, I remember, you get them from your dreams about Sparky." Toph tapped a hand on her chin in thoughtful mocking.

"Hey, I thought I told you two to shut your-"

"_Toph_! I told you that in confidence! How could you betray me like that?!" Katara asked rhetorically.

"Ooo, do I have to beg for your _forgiveness_ now?" Toph mimicked Zuko's husky voice.

"Wait, Katara, you had a dream about _Zuko_?" Aang looked at her like she had just killed a puppy-kitten with a spoon.

"Well-um-you have to understand, Aang-" She stammered.

"Yeah, you have to understand that she's a hormonal teenage girl and needs a real man." Toph told him shamelessly.

"What? Is that true, Katara?" He gave her the same hurt expression.

"No! I mean-yes-no-I mean… not necessarily…" she mumbled while tugging at her hair and avoiding everyone's questioning gaze's.

"What are you talking about, that's _exactly_ what you told me?" Toph questioned, only adding to the awkwardness in the room. Sokka, again, slammed his palm into his forehead, adding to the red bruise that was growing.

"Can we please just get back to the meeting?" Sokka asked tiredly, the group nodded and tried to glue they're eyes on Sokka but Zuko's kept wanting to go towards his admirer.

"So the Generals daughter is missing-and Toph if you don't stop laughing then I'm having Zuko's creepy body guards throw you out." He pointed to the door and Toph bit her lips to show she wasn't going to laugh at the old joke anymore. "Good, so the daughters missing, and since she didn't have a boyfriend and she was last seen being dragged out of her house, I'm pretty sure it was a kidnapping."

"What's so special about her that we cant let them take care of it themselves? These things sometimes happen but it doesn't mean the Avatar can get involved." Zuko was the only one being mature about the subjects at hand.

"The reason the Avatar must get involved is because she's your age and you need a girlfriend," Sokka answered matter-of-factly, crossing his arms over his chest in authority.

"But I _have_ a girlfriend," Zuko objected.

"Yeah but she's creepy and _so_ not good for you," he answered.

"Why not? Sparky's creepy, Madame Gothica's creepy, and together they can have creepy little babies!" Toph threw her arms in the air like this was the idea of the century.

"How can there be a creepy baby? They're so cute, and soft, and warm…" Katara thought out loud.

"Believe me," Zuko dragged. "I've seen some creepy looking babies."

"But wouldn't two creep's make a cute?" Aang chuckled.

"FORGET IT!" Sokka yelled over them, then stormed out of the room in surrender to they're small attention spans.

O0o0

The Generals daughter had, in fact, ran away with the stable boy to get married. They now have four children and are happily expecting a fifth.

* * *

**More A/N: now that you've read it I hope you agree this is funny. If not, please tell me what you think is and I can incorporate that into a short. I know this one isnt exactly from Zuko's POV, but it made him feel awkward and thats what I strive for.**

**I have a Q for all the ppl who read this-- Who objects to Zutara???? Obviously you've come this far in my shorts you dont have a prob with it, but I'm asking becuse I know I add alot of that and could post some realy funny stuff about them. Please let me know what you think!!!!!**

**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!REVIEW/SUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you sub I 3 you, if not I'll have Zuko's creepy gaurds kick you out!**


	13. Fire the Maid!

**A/N: This is set at the Earth Kingdom palace, its Basco's birthday I guess. I used funy quotes as insparation for this chapter, so sorry if you've heard any of them. I added alot of extra stuff in here, so you should really pay attention to what's going on and what they're saying, it'll make it way funnyer! Most of it's irony, I like irony....**

**Fire the Maid! **

"This is fun," Sokka told Zuko sarcastically, sitting at a table with a perky airbender got old after the first ten fan girls coming up asking for a dance, luckily they were to scared to come up to Zuko, Sokka was grateful for this.

Zuko grunted in answer as he reached for a much needed drink; Earth Kingdom drinks weren't nearly as strong as Fire Whiskey, but after the fifth one who noticed a difference?

"Hey guys," Aang sat down at his seat, looking hungrily at his plate of fruit, and then disgustedly at Sokka and Zuko's overflowing plates of meat. "Such a waist…"

"Listen Aang, if we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?" Sokka questioned rhetorically. Aang opened his mouth to answer but Zuko interrupted him.

"C'mon Sokka, give him a break."

"Thanks Zuko," Aang said gratefully.

"Yeah, for all we know he's not a vegetarian because he loves animals, but because he hates plants."

Sokka burst into laughter, nearly dropping his half emptied glass of whine. Toph, who had been sitting uncharacteristically quietly, looked up from her game of taking a gulp of her drink every time she heard someone ask; "_is that really the Fire Lord?_" To punch Aang playfully in the arm.

"Face it Twinkletoes, you didn't fight your way to the top of the food chain to eat grapes, you should eat all the stuff that's under you."

"Why would he eat his subjects?" Sokka mused, looking to Zuko for an answer but he just shrugged skeptically.

"They wouldn't be his subjects they're be his slaves," Toph corrected.

"So he'd be a cannibal?" Sokka added.

"Not just a cannibal, but a dictating cannibal," Zuko pointed out.

Aang glared at his so-called friends.

"I'll see you guys later," he nodded once then left the drunkards to they're un-muffled giggles.

0o0o

"This is boring," Toph finally slurred. Sokka suspiciously looked around the room, rubbing his chin he asked;

"You guys wanna do somethin fun?" He turned to Zuko, who was eyeing him as carefully as his drunken state would allow.

"What'd you have in mind?" He asked carefully, hardly slurring his words.

"We get Aang's diary, and wile Toph is reading it to Katara, you and me and you **(I did that repeat on purpose, just so you know)** can dump jelly on her!" he waved his arms in the air excitedly.

"I'm in!" Toph chimed.

"Do you see anything wrong with that brilliant plan, Sokka?" Zuko asked knowingly. "Think. Think hard." Sokka squinted his eyes towards the ceiling, like the answer would magically appear there. "Uh…" he scratched the top of his head, "no?"

"Toph cant see," Zuko cleared, resisting the urge to smack him upside the head.

"What's that got to do with anything?" Sokka asked ignorantly.

"I'm offended!" Toph straitened up in her sitting position to hollowly glare at her companions. "What makes you think I cant read just 'cause I can't see it?"

"Exactly that. Besides how in the world are we supposed to get Aang's diary?" Zuko asked rhetorically.

"He's got it locked in a box, apparently there's some pretty good stuff in there, if you know what I mean." Sokka smiled suggestively.

"I hope not," Zuko commented in disgust.

"So are you in, or are you in?" Zuko hesitated, it would be pretty funny to see Aang's face when they exposed his personal secrets and mentally scared him for life.

"Well… on one hand it could be the chance of a lifetime, and on the other…" he looked at his left hand that was swirling around his vision. "I have different fingers." Zuko chose carefully, "ok I'm in too."

Sokka's smile became sinister as he rubbed his hands together mischievously.

O0o0o

"This way," Sokka whispered as he pointed dramatically to an elegant door at the end of the hall. Zuko stepped lightly behind him while he held Toph's hand, not that she really needed the guiding, just the support.

"Are you sure this is the right room?" Toph asked quietly as they neared the end of the hall. Sokka tapped his chin in thought and shrugged.

"Its either this one," he pointed to the door they were headed towards. "Or the one on the other side of the Palace I saw him put his stuff into." Zuko slapped himself in the forehead as Sokka tried to open the golden doorknob.

"It's locked," he said in surprise.

"Oh really?" Zuko asked sarcastically, "I couldn't imagine someone locking the Avatar's bedroom door so fan girls couldn't hide in his bed." Sokka squinted at the knob.

"I know right? Someone needs to get fired?"

"Fire the maid!" Toph yelled then burst into giggles at her inside joke that probably wasn't nearly as funny as she thought it to be.

"Shut up Toph!" Sokka ordered but she didn't hear him, just continued to giggle hysterically. "Toph!" Sokka began to panic as the golden knob began to shake, signaling that someone on the other side was trying to open it. Zuko grabbed her by the waist and covered her mouth as he and Sokka hid behind a floor long tapestry of the Earth Kingdom insignia. Sokka also layered his hands over her mouth as he tried to stand as still as possible.

The door handle stopped jiggling and the two men let out a relieved breath.

"Who's inside there, Toph?" Zuko asked her when her hysterics subsided, only to start again when he asked. "What's so funny?" He questioned, looking to Sokka who shrugged ignorantly.

"She's crazy, she could be laughing at your funny hair style for all we know." He answered as he shoved the fabric out of his way and looked back to the door. "Whatever's inside there must be pretty important," he dragged as he looked closely at the knob, as if a key would somehow materialize in front of them. Then he smiled excitedly and grabbed Toph from Zuko's arms. "Open it." He ordered the little blind girl. She giggled again but removed the space rock from her forearm and continued to forge a key. A nearly inaudible click sounded from the lock, and Sokka pushed the little girl out of his way to turn it.

Zuko heard fabric rustling as the door swung open to reveal two half clothed figures.

"KATARA!!!" Sokka screeched when he saw the topless tan body of his baby sister. Zuko looked curiously at her, blinking repeatedly; making sure his eyes weren't misleading him. They weren't. Katara sat on top of a pale shirtless airbender; whose destiny was nearing castration.

"Sokka!?" Katara gasped as she searched for her top, her eyes landed on a green piece of fabric by Zuko's feet and she gulped loudly as the blush on her cheeks reddened considerably. Zuko slowly grabbed the garment and tossed it to her, his eyes the size of saucers. She grabbed it and hastily put in on, all the while Sokka glared daggers at his so-called '_best_ friend'.

"Get ready to see the spirit world again, Aang." Sokka told him as he reached for his boomerang, coming up empty.

"Relax Sokka, we didn't do anything." Katara told him in annoyance.

"Yet!" he added disgustedly, Toph giggled again from behind them.

"With all the stress Sugarqueen's been going through you should be glad she didn't do it with Sparky," she punched Zuko in the arm knowingly. He looked back at her with continuingly widening eyes and a look of nausea. Katara's face also turned a brighter shade of red. Sokka looked between them, then shook his head in disgust.

"Uh, uh. No way, Katara. You better not have had… _that_, with _Zuko_." She giggled nervously.

"Yes Sokka, I hit a homerun with _Zuko_." She tried to sound sarcastic but they all knew she was a terrible liar.

"You did didn't you!?" He looked at her with shock then turned to Toph. "Is she lying!? Please tell me she's lying!?" Toph just smirked and shook her head, completely taking Sokka's side.

"Toph!?" Katara yelled at her in betrayal, she just shrugged.

"Just for kicks I'm gonna take his side on this," she dragged in amusement. Katara huffed and got to her feet, looking extremely red in the face; from embarrassment and frustration. Aang, who had been sitting on the ground motionlessly, also got to his feet and redressed himself. Sokka looked between Aang and Zuko, but settled his eyes on his not so innocent baby sister.

"You. Are. In. Trouble." He informed frighteningly before turning to leave the room. Behind him Katara stuck her tongue out at him.

"I thought the door was foolproof," Aang apologized to Katara.

"Nothing's foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool," Zuko commented, Toph punched him in the arm playfully.

"Thanks Sparky," she said before fallowing behind Sokka.

"Zuko?" Katara asked shyly after Aang had exited the room. He nodded in acknowledgment, taking in her inside-out shirt and tangled hair. "I am pretty stressed…?"

**A/N: re read the last sentence a few times if you didnt get it. I dont know about you but I feel mostly sorry for Aang!! poor guy didnt even know what he was doing... ohhh... I just got an idea... **

**Sub/Rev**


	14. Cliff Diving

**A/N: This is that little adventure of Sokka and Zuko's that I mentioned in Completely Fake. It short and sweet, kinda like Toph sometimes... Anyway, read, Review, Sub, the usual! **

**Cliff Diving**

"And we're supposed to do what now?"

"Jump!" Sokka answered him with a wide grin.

"I do believe my Mother told me _not_ to jump off mountains," Zuko looked over the edge of the cliff Sokka was suggesting they jump off of.

"So you were even Emo when you were a kid? Huh. Oh and we're jumping off a _cliff_, there's a big difference." Sokka stood close to the edge. Zuko eyed the fifty to sixty foot drop doubtfully. "What's the matter Zuko? Are you scared?" Sokka taunted, and was awarded by a death glare from Zuko.

"I'm not afraid of the jump, I'm afraid of what will happen after that."

"We're jumping into water, no one will notice if you wet your pants!" Sokka teased.

Zuko looked down again, causing a few rock to fall off the edge and reiterate why he felt it was a long ways down. Sokka was suddenly standing nest to him, with one arm on his shoulder.

"Ok Zuko, we can do this the easy way, where you jump on your own, or we can do it the hard way… and I think you know what that implies." Zuko rolled his eyes at his friends attempted threat.

"What? You're going to try and push me?" He asked sarcastically, then stiffened when he saw Sokka's evil grin.

"If that what it takes to make you have fun," he shrugged. Zuko took a hesitant step back, away from the drop.

"Aw, c'mon Zuzu…" Sokka made to grab him but only clung to air as Zuko took a quick step to the side.

"You're not going to push me," he said determinedly.

"It must be done," Sokka jumped for him and was rewarded by grabbing his arms tightly and twisting them behind Zuko's back. He could have escaped, but his friend put so much effort into capturing him he really didn't have the heart to ruin his accomplishment. "It won't be so bad, Zuko. You're making a big deal outta nothing."

Sokka began pushing him towards the edge, and just as Zuko's toes were clinging to the edge of dirt, Sokka pushed him.

He fell threw the air for what felt like an eternity, but he quickly realized that the water was coming up much to fast. He tried to change his position into a reasonable dive, but couldn't turn. He took a deep breath just before he landed in the water feet first.

Suddenly he felt a sharp pain on his foot, he had hit the bottom quicker than expected, and the force was too much. His foot sliced open.

As he resurfaced he realized that Sokka was already jumping.

"WOOHOO!" He screamed as he did a cannonball into the water, then came up sputtering. "OUCH!"

"You ok?" Zuko asked him once he steadied his breathing.

"Yeah, I think so." Then Sokka was suddenly under again, when he came up he glared at his friend. "What was that for?!"

"Its shallow!" Zuko splashed him in the face. Sokka sputtered again.

"What do ya know? Just like you!" Sokka said before he was once again pushed under.

***Thanks to all my subscribers and reviewers! You know who you are and I thank you greatly! I have a really funny Zuko/Sokka/Toph fic thats finished, its extreamly long so it'll compensate for this one being so short! **

**Sub/Review!!!!**


	15. Slimebucket & Crash Pad

**A/N: Not what your thinking regarding the tital... Anyway, I've refured to 'slimebucket' before, I think its a great word to descripe pervy guys. This story is way longer than I usualy post, I'm glas about that! But I dont think its the funniest... I has it's moments, but It's not my best. I still recoment reading it and hopefully you wount think the same as I do. I'm still proud of it though! The original Tital was Black, White, Maze, Balloon. But that didnt quite work out.... SO here it is! please Review and tell me is it's any good!**

**Slimebucket and Crash Pad**

Zuko sat at his desk in utter boredom as the clock on the wall continued to Tick-Tock its way to pissing him off; you'd think just coming out of a hard break up would make a guy feel happy? If it was like that for most guys it sure wasn't for this depressed Fire Lord. Mai had dumped him, hard. And he wasn't about to go chasing after mindless teenage girls to feel better about himself; that was Sokka's forte.

So when the Avatar came to town with his beauty for a woman, it only made Zuko feel worse.

"You've got to get out Zuko," Aang pleaded. He'd always looked up to Zuko, -well maybe not always but since he had joined the group and taught him Firebending.- And he wasn't about to watch him waste away his life engulfed in paperwork.

"I cant Aang, I have work to do." Zuko and Aang got along fine, but if Aang expected him to go out and have a good time, that probably meant something different to a 13 year old boy than a 17 year old man.

"C'mon Zuko," Aang pleaded, "Sokka wants me to get you to this bar, but I cant tell you its a bar, that way he can spike your drink and make you have fun." Zuko raised his brow at the boy, it took Aang a moment to realize but when he did his palm collided furiously with his forehead. "I wasn't supposed to tell you that part, I just had to tell you Katara would be there and-"

"She will?" Zuko contemplated for a moment, if it was Sokka's idea it meant Katara really wasn't there, just maybe Toph, and she didn't really count as a girl.

"Yeah…" Aang eyed him suspiciously, "Sokka said you'd react like that…" The Firebender tensed, _had he shown emotion at the mention of her name?_

"Uh…" He was at a loss for words. "Fine, I'll go."

XxXxXx

As soon as he entered the worn down shack he knew it was a bar, Sokka couldn't have hoped to fool him for long, if at all, considering his accomplice. The building was heavy with the sent of alcohol and sweat. The Walls striped with a red and gold paneling were worn and pealing, the rickety wooden chairs were just that; rickety, and the photographs on the walls were not ones the Air Nomad Monks would approve the young Avatar of seeing.

Sokka sat on a barstool with a drunk Toph by his side.

"Wow Aang, I didn't think he'd actually come." Sokka sounded impressed.

"I just told him what you said, that got him." The Airbender answered innocently. Sokka glared at the boy, then turned his gaze on Zuko, then back to Aang.

"I was being sarcastic! He's not supposed to want to see Katara."

"Why would he want to see Katara?" Aang asked with blameless ignorance.

"Cuz he luvs her," Toph answered in a singsong voice, her words slurring. Zuko rubbed the back of his neck as a deep blush started to cover his cheeks.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about…" He looked between Aang and Sokka, the later looked more annoyed than angry; Sokka had grown accustom to his guy friends liking his kid sister, unfortunately the one who really, _really_ liked her had to be his best friend.

"Forget it, c'mere Zuko," Sokka patted the stool on his left and Zuko reluctant took the seat as Aang climbed in beside him. "Here," Sokka grinned evilly as he slid a shot glass across the table.

Zuko rolled his eyes and raised the glass to his lips; it smelled foul and repulsive, but his friend urged him on as he downed the drink, coughing as it burned its way down his throat.

"What was that?" he said in a weak voice and coughed again.

"I don't know, its what Toph's been drinking. What was it Toph?" Sokka turned to the blind girl beside him who was starting to blink wildly.

"How should I-_hiccup_-know?" She challenged.

"You ordered it," Zuko answered before she lost interest and grabbed Sokka's drink out of his hand and drank the remaining contents. "So why did you bring me here?" He asked Sokka before he could start yelling at Toph.

"Simple. I" -he sat a hand on his chest- "had a great idea to loosen you up. And even though me and Toph thought it'd be hilarious, Aang said it would be too much."

"They wanted to get Ty Lee drunk and lock the two of you in a room together for half an hour, then send Katara up to get you, but she wouldn't know that Ty Lee was in there with you." Aang explained with half a grin.

"You see Aang, this is why we don't let you partake in our schemes," Sokka scolded. "You give away the all the secrets!" Toph snickered behind him as the boy blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. Zuko instantly felt grateful for his friend, he knew Aang told him on purpose so he could be on his guard incase Sokka decided to go threw with his plan.

"Thanks Aang," he whispered, patting the boy once on the back as he slid his drink over to him.

"I'm not old enough to drink, and the monks believed-" He began.

"And where are they now?" The blind drunk asked knowingly.

Sokka and Zuko winced and exchanged worried looks, but Aang shrugged.

"Your right Toph."

"She is?" Zuko asked skeptically.

"I am?" Toph repeated Zuko's tone.

"The Monks said alcohol gave you a false sense of reality, and had dire consequences. But if everyone else is drinking it, they must have been wrong." Aang cleared as he lifted the glass to his lips and threw his head back.

Zuko gave Sokka a wavering look as the boy asked politely for another one.

"He's sure not one to give into peer pressure," Zuko told him sarcastically as the Airbender sniffed his glass with a gruesome expression.

"This could turn out to be more fun than I thought," Sokka whispered to Toph.

XxXxXx

"You guys wanna do something fun?"

Though Sokka and Zuko had managed to stay mostly sober, Aang and Toph were utterly wasted; Aang had passed out shortly after his seventh or so drink. Toph had managed to stay conscious but was holding onto Zuko for support as they walked threw the various alleyways of the Fire Nation Homeland.

"What'd you have in mind, Sokka?" Zuko questioned as they came to a square fountain that use to be a statue of Fire Lord Ozai.

"Well, we start by getting Aang's diary-"

"I already see a flaw in your plan, Aang's diary is in a locked box in his room." Zuko interrupted.

"As I was saying," he continued loudly, ignoring Zuko's comment. "We get Aang diary, have Toph- ok maybe not Toph," Sokka corrected at the looks he received from his companions. "Read it to Katara, she'll be so focused on how weird Aang is, that she won't even notice when you pour Jelly on her!"

"But why would you- wait why me! She'd kill me!" Zuko objected.

"Beecuz she luves yooou," Toph slurred with a giggle at his sudden jump in heart rate.

"She… what?"

"Never mind that, we need to get Aang's diary," Sokka ordered decisively.

"You mean Journal," Toph said slowly in order to say each word as correctly as possible.

"No, I don't."

XxXxX

Sokka pointed to a small one bedroom building in the Fire Nation homeland.

"That's Aang's Crash Pad," Sokka clarified. Zuko gave him an odd look. "It means house," he told him like he was a two year old.

"Therz nobudy home," Toph informed them in a dramatic whisper.

"Good, this should be pretty simple then." Sokka looked at his partners in crime, "Toph can stay out here to keep watch while me and Zuko get the diary."

"I don't think that's such a good idea Sokka," Zuko inferred how Toph couldn't stand up strait. "Maybe I should keep watch while you and Toph go in?" He suggested gladly.

"No way, you're not missing out on the fun." Sokka ordered.

"What fun? We're getting a book from a little kid, its hardly enthralling."

"Dunt youse big wurds on uz Spriky," Toph ordered. "Yur goin in ther wheathur ya lik it er not!" she tried to threaten but Zuko only rolled his eyes.

"Fine, we'll all go in and get it." Zuko amended.

"Good, C'mon." Sokka gestured for the two to fallow him around the house to a window.

"How are we supposed to get through that?" Zuko challenged, gesturing to the window that was nearly above his shoulders.

"Easy," Sokka grabbed Toph by the hand. "We pick up Toph, she opens the window, climbs in, and pulls us up." He smiled like this was completely foolproof. Zuko resisted the urge to smack him upside the head.

"One, she cant see so how can she open a window? Two, there's no way she's strong enough to lift us."

"Um offended Spriky," Toph announced with minor clarity. "Um stong enuf to kick yer butt, andytime andyday!" Sokka was the one who rolled his eyes this time.

"Ok, new plan," he started to pace the area between himself and the others, nearly bumping into Zuko. Suddenly he looked back up at the two with a stumped expression. "Ok Zuko, since you think my plan sucked, you get to come up with the new one." Zuko held back to urge to roll his eyes.

"Fine," he succumbed, then walked around him to the front of the little cottage. He pointed to the front door that was partially open.

"Huh," Sokka said dumbfounded. "Ok, c'mon them." He grabbed Zuko by the sleeve and led the way inside the cottage.

It was no more than a single room, with a cot in the corner and a small tea table on a wall.

"Well this is pathetic," Sokka thought out loud. "You'd think the Avatar would get a nicer crib?" He looked at Zuko accusingly but he raised surrendering hands.

"I told him to pick a house inside the palace walls, it's not my fault he chose the crappiest building here." Zuko defended. Sokka was about to open his mouth again when Zuko spotted a small brown chest with a lock on it. "Look, lets just get this thing and get out, I'd rather not be caught stealing the Avatar's privet possessions." Sokka grumbled and stalked over to the chest.

"It's locked!"

"No kiddin Sherlock!" Toph teased from her spot holding onto the doorframe for stability. "Giv et ta me." She reached out her hand for the chest, almost dropping it when Sokka handed it to her. "Woo, thus thungs hevy! Must be somptin gud!" She said as she grabbed her space rock armband and molded it into a key shape. Zuko watched her with awe. First he finds out Katara can blood bend, now Toph can metal bend! What's next? Aang controlling peoples farts?

Click

"Got it," Toph announced clearly with a thumbs up to the guys. Sokka grabbed the chest and started emptying the contents onto the floor. Zuko spotted few things of his interest; an Air Nomad pipe, a list of the Fire Nation colonies still on Earth Kingdom territory, a sketch of a Fire Nation girl next to a sketch of Katara in a bathing suite…

"What's this?" Zuko picked up the sketch of Katara, mesmerized by how unrealistic it was. _There's no way her chest is _that_ big!_ He couldn't help himself from thinking. Sokka quickly snatched it out of his hand and shoved it into his pocket to later burn.

"Hey, check out what other good stuff he's got," Sokka grabbed two binds of parchment and handed one to Zuko. On the front cover was a picture of a Fire Nation woman wearing a skimpy under dress.

"Wow," Zuko breathed as Sokka drooled over a Water Tribe version. "I can't believe these are Aang's."

"_Who are you_?!" A skinny old man stood in the doorway with a look of horror on his face, "and what are you doing going through my things?!"

"Toph! You were supposed to keep watch!" Sokka scolded the wasted girl standing lazily beside Zuko.

"Wuz I? Oh, oh! Therz sumwun commin!"

"Little late now," Zuko grumbled as they were shoved out the way the came, luckily it wasn't the window.

Once outside again, Zuko couldn't resist slapping Sokka in the back of the head.

"Hey! How was I supposed to know that wasn't Aang's place?!" He objected.

"I don't know, for some reason I thought you knew what you were doing?"

"Well you were wrong about that! Wait-No-I mean-"

"Forget it," Zuko waved his hands in front if himself in surrender, "let's just get Toph to bed before she throws up all over us." Zuko gestured to the little girl holding desperately to his robes and looking rather queasy.

"Yeah that's probably a good idea," Sokka amended as they began they're way to Toph's room inside the Palace. After about five minutes of Toph chattering about how she thought fingers felt like… other male parts; Sokka stopped dead in his tracks.

"Sokka, what are you doing? C'mon," Zuko urged as he continued to hold Toph steady.

"Something just occurred to me," Sokka answered slowly. "That guy had a picture of Katara… That guy had a _picture _of _Katara_!" He looked horrifyingly at Zuko. "THAT GUY HAD A PICTURE OF MY LITTLE SISTER!!" Zuko's jaw dropped. One of his employees was hording a picture of his best friends baby sister in a skimpy swimsuit. Someone was getting banished, that was for sure. Toph snickered from her spot clutching Zuko's robes.

"Sumwun els has a crush on Sugar Queen," she giggled to herself while the other two members of they're little bandit club tried desperately to kill her with they're eyes.

"Zuko," Sokka was suddenly nose-to-nose with the Fire Lord in a threatening manner, "I want that guy's head cut off. Better yet, his-"

"I get your point, Sokka," Zuko said, shoving him away. "And trust me, I will do everything in my power to make sure that… _Slimebucket_"-he spat the word-"is brutally punished."

"Thank you very much Fire Lord Zuko," Sokka thanked officially.

"Hey Zuzu?" Toph tugged on Zuko's robes roughly.

"What is it Toph?" He looked down at her with genuine concern.

"We shuld do thus more oftin, les try Sugar Queen's diary next time."

**- So? what'd you think? please let me know and tell me if I should write a sequal where they invade Katara's diary. I think it would be pretty hilariouse, honestly. **

**Rev/Sub!!!!**


	16. Metal Mouth

**A/N: Ok. I have been suffering from writers block! This chapter was just so I could update everyone on what I'm doing. I am TRYING to write a sequal to 'slimebuckets and crash pads', where they steal Katara's diary. It turned into something WAY different... Somehow they ended up lost in the woods and screaming bloody murder... how it ended up that way, dont even bother asking me, cause I'm just as clueless as yall are. **

**I have also ran out of 'fill in' stories to put in here. Would you bealive that I have over 60 word doc's and nothing is any good! well ya better bealive it, I got nothin! nada, zip, as Sokka woul say, "no juice in the cactus." (He dosnt acctually say that but I bealive he would) **

**My other problem; Learning how to write 'correctly'. My english book is starting to teach me, it might be a problem... **

**Also, I have no motive... Sure I get 3 or 4 reviews for chapters, and they're all good, but its not enough to really motivate me. I might need 5 or 6 ;) **

**I know that calling Autor's Notes itsnt supposed to be a chapeter, so here is some little thing I wrote becuse I was bored. It's nothin major, not even from Zuko's POV, but I thought it was cute and could acctually happen. **

**So here is a 'filler story' so I dont get banned from Fan Fic. Please PLEASE PLEASE review and motivate me! I'll work on my wrighters block and hopefully (not promising anythin) get out of my wrighters block by the end of May. And by then I might have a REALLY funny story to put up! I Hope So! **

**Metal Mouth**

"Um, Toph, you have something on your teeth…" Sokka pointed out to the Blind Earthbender, who gave him an annoyed look.

"Yeah I know. Apparently they'll help _straiten my teeth_, psh!" She waved a hand disbelievingly.

"Its true Toph," Katara persuaded. "Zuko says-"

"Sparky says what!" Toph was instantly on her feet and had her face uncomfortably close to hers. "Does he say they'll be _worth it_!" she screeched, her voice going a few octaves higher than normal.

"Well, yes, but-"

"But what Katara? You have no idea how much these things hurt! And my mouth tastes like an old silver piece! Have you ever tasted a silver piece? Let me tell you! _Not!_ _PLEASENT!"_ A near by building suddenly exploded into rubble behind them.

"Listen Toph-"

"No, you listen, Snoozels!" She turned to Sokka, who winced at her blind gaze. "When one of you guys get metal teeth, then I'll listen. But until then-" the two were suddenly sunken into the earth beneath them, leaving only there heads above the surface.

"Toph! Get us out!" Sokka demanded wile he squirmed in his unmovable hole.

"Eh, I think I'll let Twinkle Toes dig you up this time." She answered as she walked away with her fingers in her mouth, most likely trying to bend the metal out.

"Hey Toph, you haven't seen Katara or Sokka have you?" Zuko asked when he crossed paths with the blind girl, who looked oddly smug about something or other.

"Actually…." She dramatically tapped her slobbery finger against her chin. "Nope." She said popping the P.

"Uh huh," Zuko took in her slobbery fingers and pink lips. "Did you get your braces?" She nodded glumly. "Oh, good. I was afraid Aang would talk you out of it. He's been crying all day about the pain, so I figured you'd be hurting too. But you're to tough for that, huh?"

"Aang got metal teeth too?" She asked softly, nor hearing the compliment, which was uncharacteristic.

"Yeah, I thought Katara was supposed to tell you." Zuko raised an unseen eyebrow at her suspiciously.

"Well, uh. He he." She rubbed the back of her head and pointed in the direction she was leaving with her other hand. "They're over there."

"But I thought you said-"

"Are you gonna stand here all day and question me about what you _thought_? Cuz I believe we had a talk about the dangers of that." She pointed out.

"Right… Well, um, I'll just go get them." He side stepped around the girl and headed for his other friends.

"You do that Sparky, and bring a shovel."

**A/N: Sorry if there are gramar problems, I dont think I proofread it. REVIEW! For Zuko's sake REVIEW! He might never end up in an awkward situation again! Please, for Lord Sparky. **

**Thannks to all my readers! I know your out there, dont hide, review =)**


	17. Good Can Come From The Embarrassing

**A/N: Thanks to mind numbing boredome, and nothing on TV. I have succeded in wrighting a semi funny fic! Its more of a Zuko/Sokka team combo. I Might have to start a whole new set of drabbels just on their adventures! let me know if you think it would be a good idea!**

**Good Can Come From The Embarrassing**

"This is humiliating," Aang complained as Sokka applied the finishing touches.

"What are you talking about? This is totally masculine in everyway!" Toph chuckled sarcastically.

"Why couldn't you be the one to do it?" He begged her.

"Because, face it Aang," Zuko piped up, "your more feminine then all of us combined." Aang's shoulders slumped in embarrassment.

"Finished!" Sokka cheered, taking a step back to admire his work. Apparently, when it came to hands-on art, he was a natural at detail.

Aang was clothed in various shades of yellow fabric, deep blue eye makeup with heavy mascara, an array of assorted jewelry pieces, and to top it all off; A long black wig that covered his arrow.

"I gotta hand it to you Sokka," Zuko patted his friend on the back, "you've taken a girly little boy and turned him into a woman." Toph clasped her hands over her mouth to conceal her laughter.

"Oh!" Sokka produced two oranges from his Water Tribe bag, "I almost forgot the finishing touch." Aang blushed as the two fruits were inserted into his dress, looking striking similar to something the monks would scold him for looking at.

Zuko gave a wolf whistle as Sokka stepped back again.

"Now your ready for the mission," Sokka suppressed a giggle, "_Miss._ Avatar."

Aang's blush deepened as his three 'supposed' friends laughed at his cruel and unusual torture.

"Just promise me this will be left out of the history books," his squeaky voice only fanned the flame of their amusement.

"Only if you promise to tell Sugar Queen," Toph said between giggles.

"Don't worry, Toph," Zuko put a hand on her shoulder. "Sokka and I will take care of that."

0o0oo

"Are you sure about this?"

"Are you chickening out?" Sokka asked.

"I'm just afraid someone will discover my true identity," he was glad the darkness of the bushes didn't give away his ever-deepening blush.

"If you can go undiscovered with just a headband and new clothes, this will fool any of those thugs," Zuko attempted to reassure.

"Did you guys even think of what could happen to me?" Aang nearly screeched as fear rushed over him. "I could get found out, or worse!"

"What's worse than being found out?" Asked Sokka.

"Well he is pretending to be a woman," Zuko shrugged, "and this is the lower class of the Fire Nation."

"So?" Aang said.

"It's possible you might get hit on," despite the darkness Zuko could almost see the blood rush to his face.

"You mean my disguise is that good?" Sokka asked with awe. Zuko shrugged.

"Fire Whisky's some powerful stuff."

_Coo Coo, Coo Coo._

"That's the signal," Sokka informed, "Ready Aang?"

"No."

"Get out there," both teenagers pushed him/her out of the bushes and towards the tavern. They watched as he/she proceeded nervously to he entrance and out of their sight.

"Looks like out little boy has finally become a woman," Zuko couldn't resist saying, Sokka burst into laughter.

O0o0o

"You got any three's?"

"Nope, go fish."

"You think she's OK?" Zuko asked.

"What's the worst that could happen to him?" Sokka asked rhetorically.

"He could get raped," Zuko shrugged, worry in his gut.

"The someone's getting more than they asked for."

"He's back!" Toph yelled into Zuko's ear. Both teenagers jumped to their feet as the approaching Avatar stalked towards them. His face read only rage and embarrassment.

"Here's your stupid package," he tossed said package at the excited juveniles.

"You didn't look in it did you?" Sokka asked strongly.

"It crossed my mind, then I remembered that I didn't want to know what you two were up to." He waved a single hand in goodbye. After he was beyond hearing distance away, Toph asked, "So what's in there anyway?"

Sokka gave her an unseen evil grin.

"_Cactus Juice_."

-**Could I honestly have ended that better? Let me know your ideas for a hilariouse new adventure! I need the insparation! I'm comming up empty on Katara's diary, what could I add? Please tell me!**

**Sub/Review!**


	18. That Picture

**AHHHHHHHHH! before I appologize about having wrighters block for months now, let me give you this little peice of info, I promis, you'll love that I was the first person to tell you. **

**Google(or yahoo, I'm a google person) 'Avatar: the ledgend of Korra'. I still have goosbumps from when I found out! so dont wait, look it up right now! NOW! I promis, this short fallow up story will be here when you get back. **

Katara gasped as Sokka revealed the picture from his shirt pocket.

"Where did you get this, Sokka?" She demanded. Zuko cringed, surly she didn't think he would have…?

"We found it in some old guy's room, care to explain yourself?" Sokka demanded parentally. Katara snatched the parchment from his hands and looked at the picture more carefully.

"Well?" Sokka prodded after a few moments.

"I can't believe I posed for this!"

"You WHAT!" The boys screeched… I mean, Um, Yelled.

"Yeah, he told me I was going to be posing for a work of art that would be adored by all cultures."

"Well its adored alright," Zuko suddenly felt extremely jealous. Banishment was much too nice a punishment, castration better fit his crime; imaginary molestation of a minor.

Yeah…. That would get the council members to approve his punishment.

"Why in the world would you pose for something like this?"

"Oh gee, I don't know Sokka. Maybe I just like to sit naked on a couch in front of old men so they can rape me with their eyes," She said sarcastically.

Yep, castration it was.

**SO did you look up A:TLK? if you didnt then you obviously shouldnt be reading these fanfictions cause you dont care about the show enough. no offence... really. I might decide to be the first person to post a fanfic about A:TLK, but, obviously, I need to know what its about first, and trust me, I will be one of the first to know! ok I take that back, I'm not going to any comic-con cause, honestly, I cant drive yet... **

**Ok about this short, I thought it was kinda funny. I was looking through files on my computer when I found it, no clue when I wrote it but its kinda funny :)**

**I probably wound post much more on this form, and If I do then it wount be for a few months. :'( **

**Just remember what I said to look up! If You havent dont it yet, then Agni help you, your going to be in trouble**

**REVIEW!**


	19. Prison BreakIn

**A/N: This started out HORRIBLE. I just started writing and it happened. Then I found it again when I was looking threw my Docmuents, and I remembered that I had written it to post on here, but I had forgotten (as usual). Now its fixed, and I'm pretty proud of how it turned out. Sorry its taken this long to write new shorts, my life's been hectic with school and everything else I'm committed to. Thanks to all those who read! Yall mean alot to me, and the continuing of my writing. Honestly, the main reason I remembered to post on here was because I had someone add it to their Favorites. Whomever that was, thanks a ton! u know who you are. **

**Prison Break-In**

Without warning he burst through the door to Zuko's private library, where said Fire Lord was busy studying the life and history of the first female Fire Lord, Anjin.

Sokka rushed over to Zuko and yanked the delicate scroll-that was easily a thousand years old-out of his hands.

"We've got trouble." Was his only explanation to his drastic behavior; Zuko gave him the you-better-have-something-worth-my-time glare.

"What kind of trouble?" Zuko stood up wearily, not bothering to be alarmed by Sokka's most recent idea of _trouble_.

"Toph's been arrested!" Zuko sighed, not at all surprised.

"So what? Serves her right for destroying nearly everything in my city."

"Your such a jerk, ya'know that?" Sokka poked him in the chest aggressively.

Zuko rolled his eyes. "I've been told," he said, before snatching the ancient scroll from Sokka's sweaty hand.

"Listen to me Zuko. Toph wasn't arrested by the Fire Nation, she was arrested by the Earth Kingdome!" He threw his hands in the air as if this was the worst possible news. It only meant Zuko couldn't bale her out quite as quickly, if at all.

"What do you want me to do about it?" Zuko demanded rhetorically; then wished he could catch the words before they hit Sokka's ears.

"I want to you help me break her out," _big surprise there_, Zuko thought.

"Sorry Sokka, but as much fun as it was to break out your dad and girlfriend," he said sarcastically, "I think I'll pass." Sokka got a mischievous look in his eyes.

"Fine, but I haven't told you what's in it for you." He said, laying the bait so Zuko could get trapped into yet another of his idiotic schemes.

Zuko raised an eyebrow, his selfish nature coming out as he said: "And what _exactly_ is in it for me?" he dared to ask. Sokka crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Zuko slyly.

"Maybe a few battle scars for the ladies," Sokka suggested.

"Ha! Nice try Sokka, but I've already got the ultimate battle scar." He pointed to the burn on the left side of his face that held so much more history and heartache than a seventeen-year-old should have.

"Which is exactly why I need your help Zuko!" Sokka came to put a friendly arm around his shoulders, Zuko had to slump so he could do so.

Zuko eyed him suspiciously, "I'm not fallowing,"

"With that scar, no punk in his right mind would dare mess with you." Sokka grinned as though he had already won him over.

"You've already used that line Sokka," Zuko rolled his eyes.

"And it worked," Sokka sang, grinning.

Zuko ignored him. "Plus," He shoved his friend off him, "Earth Bender's have no right mind."

"That is true…" Sokka agreed, taking a moment to strategize. "Ok here's my offer-"

"I'm not bargaining with you Sokka," Zuko just wished he'd go away, and for once let him have a peaceful day in the library.

"Ok, here's my _final_ offer-" Sokka tried again.

"Forget it." Zuko growled, but Sokka shook his head defiantly.

"If you help me get Toph out, I will personally guarantee that you'll get to hurt someone." Zuko rolled his eyes but thought about the possibilities. He hadn't spared in some time now, and the only people who were a real challenge to him were Toph and Katara. If they quit arguing long enough to team up against him, they'd kill him.

"What else?" Zuko humored him, though they both knew he would give in soon enough.

Sokka rubbed his chin.

"Forty gold pieces!" Zuko laughed.

"I've got more money than I'll ever need, I'm the Fire Lord for Agni's sake."

"I've always wondered who Agni was?" Sokka thought out loud, getting distracted from the point of their conversation.

"Another time, Sokka." Zuko rolled his eyes, "Right now we have to rescue Toph." He sighed in defeat, and Sokka gave a _Woo-Hoo_.

0o0o0o

"The main gate is swarming with guards, we'll have to go in threw the roof." Sokka spoke to him in a whisper from their hiding spot in the bushes outside an Earth Kingdome prison, which had nothing on The Boiling Rock. The outer wall was nothing more than rock, the gate was wooden, and the only guards they had patrolling the perimeter were either asleep, or played pranks on the ones who were asleep, plus a boar-q-pine.

"Oh yeah, theirs no way we can take on five guys and a tied up boar-q-pine." Zuko said sarcastically. Really, the Boar-q-pine was the threat there.

"Just c'mon!" Sokka said in annoyance as he led the way threw the night.

They climbed up a nearby tree without being seen or heard, and to Zuko's surprise, Sokka was quite a good climber. Not necessarily great, but better than he expected.

They positioned themselves carefully on a long branch, which nearly went over the outer rock wall. Sokka then began analyzing the jump across.

"All we have to do is jump at a forty-five degree angle, and since the wind is blowing to the East we jump just slightly to the left-"

Zuko rolled his eyes and leaped. Landing agilely on the thin ledge. Sokka gaped at him, and Zuko smirked, shrugging, and gesturing for him to hurry up.

Sokka composed himself and readied for the leap. He stood up, slightly bent his knee's, then-

Crack

-He was no longer standing on the branch. He was flat on his face in the dirt with three confused Earthbenders and an edgy Boar-q-pine staring at him.

Zuko had to put both hands over his mouth to keep from laughing, but even though he made no sound, his body still rocked back and forth, and he slipped forwards and landed directly on top of Sokka.

They groaned in unison, while the boar-q-pine sniffed them curiously.

0o0o0

"Well, we _were_ trying to get in." Sokka said as the guards clank their cell door shut.

Zuko growled, grabbed him by the chest, and shoved him to the wall angrily. "Hey no physical contact! Right?" Sokka asked the guard, who shrugged.

"Nope I don't care, one less person needing a trial." He walked away whistling, and Sokka gulped.

Zuko growled.

"Hey, hey." Sokka held his hands up in surrender. "We're both adults here, I'm sure we can talk about this in a calm and-" Zuko lifted his fist.

0o0o0

"I really am sorry," Zuko apologized.

"Yeah, say that to my face!" Sokka pointed to his black eye, and Zuko shrugged.

"I got the impression you wanted to match," Zuko snickered, gesturing to his scar; Sokka gave him a look that said grow-up. Zuko couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was something ironic about that.

"What do we do now?" Zuko asked after a few minutes. Sokka looked away from the bucket of water he was using as a mirror, to look at Zuko and smirk.

"The same thing we did last time, but simpler." Zuko nodded and went back to his staring at the wall.

"Wait," Zuko suddenly sat upright. "What about Toph?"

"You're right, she'd never miss out on a riot." Sokka rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Not that. I didn't see her in any of the cells on the way in."

"So?"

"So how many cells are there?" Sokka thought for a moment, squinting one eye and sticking his tongue out.

"We passed twelve, we're in number eleven. But they have another side that's just for girls." Zuko silently thanked Agni that his best friend was a genius, though he'd never admit it.

"So how do we get to the girls?" Sokka giggled.

"Isn't that the question every guy wants to know the answer too," Zuko rolled his eyes.

"Seriously, Sokka." He sobered up and began working his big brain.

"The plans I, uh, _found_, show that there are two sets of cells," Sokka lifted his hand and drew a map in the air, "One on the right, and the left. We turned right when we entered so I'm pretty sure if we take this hallway back to that intersection and take a right, then we'll be in the girls chambers." His finger lingered in the air as he pointed to a spot on the map that Zuko couldn't see.

"Sokka, I have no idea what you just said." Sokka smirked.

"I know where Toph is, just fallow me." He stood up and looked out the small window in the iron door. "But first we need to get out of here."

0o0o0o

"Hurry up!" Zuko yelled over his shoulder as three more guards appeared in front of him, he shot a Fireball near then, not trying to hurt anyone just scaring them.

"Get the Keys! I'll meet you at Toph's cells!" Sokka yelled over the rumbling of rock and the battle cries of the Earthbenders. Poor Sokka had nothing to use to defend himself except a large hammer he, uh, _found_.

Zuko ran past the guards and snagged a ring of keys from one of their belts, apparently there were only three guards allowed to have the keys to the cells, Zuko briefly wondered if this helped any, obviously not if him and Sokka could escape. He made a mental note to send a lot of money to this prison so they could actually keep their inmates _inside_.

After running threw the female set of cells, he concluded that the only small girl was most certainly not Toph.

"Toph?" He yelled.

"Zuko!" Not the voice he was listening for. He heard Sokka just a few yards away, completely encased in rock. Zuko started to run over and help him but his feet were suddenly stuck to the ground. He looked down to see they were also encased in earth.

He sighed.

They weren't getting out as easily as they came in.

_Clap, clap, clap_

Behind him he heard three slow, mocking claps.

"Very good gentlemen, you may continue your normal routes." Zuko squinted at the short figure behind him.

"Toph?" He and Sokka asked at the same time.

"Yup!" She did an Earthbending pose and removed their bindings.

"What are you doing here?" Zuko asked.

"I thought you were arrested?" Sokka asked at the same time.

"Well you know how you guys told me I should get a job?" She asked, and they nodded. "I have a job now, and you'll never guess how awesome it is!" She squealed, yes, even Toph squeals every other blue moon. "I'm a Prison Warden!"

Sokka and Zuko looked at each other, both thinking the same thing:

_Uh oh…_

**TOPH! a PRISON WARDEN! Have the Monky-Pigs learned how to fly all of a sudden? **

**Let me know what you think! The more you review the faster I write more Sokka/Zuko crazy antics!**

**!SUB/REVIEW!**


	20. Marketing Table

**A/N: SOOO sorry for how long you've waited for another funny-fic! But I've been crazy busy with literaly everything. So here is an idea I had awhile back, I was looking through my many many docs and found this one that was mostly finished. So here it is! I think its cute, and it would totaly happen. Its not amazing funny... but its kinda good... I'm not exactly sure, so if you could read it and review it and tell me what you think, I'd really apreciate it!**

**Marketing Table**

"Here it is," Zuko lay the tray of ceramic mugs on the short table in front of the couch. The three Gaang members looked at the odd brew skeptically.

"Um, Zuko," Sokka pointed to the mugs. "I know you've never been that great of a tea-bender, but this has got to be the worst pot you've ever made."

"I think its watery mud," Aang pointed to the steaming liquid inside the white mugs.

"Its not mud," Zuko snapped. "I call it _coffee_!" he said, clearly proud of himself, and that was rare.

Aang picked up one of the mugs. "Ouch!" it dropped out of his now burned hand and shattered against the table, leaving hot coffee and shards of white ceramic all over the antique wood.

"Its _hot_!" Zuko scolded.

"Now you tell me," Aang said, as he blew on his hand, not that it was _burning_ hot.

"Hey Zuko guess what this table is now?" Zuko didn't bother answering Sokka's idiotic question. "A _coffee-table_!" He burst out laughing, falling back on the red cushions of the sofa.

"You're a genius Sokka," Katara said sarcastically, then grabbed one of the coffee mugs by the handle.

"You guys haven't even tried it yet and you're already judging it," Zuko crossed his arms over his chest stubbornly.

Sokka wiped a tear from his eye. "I'm not drinking that," Katara jabbed her elbow into his ribs. "Ow! Fine! I'll try it! But just a little." He grabbed one of the mugs, making the same mistake as Aang. The ceramic shattered upon impact on the table. "Oops." Was all Sokka said before Zuko slapped him on the back of the head. "Now its defiantly a _coffee-table_." Sokka grinned stupidly.

Katara rolled her eyes, still holding her cup. Zuko looked at her anxiously, she sighed. "Fine, I'll try it." She glared at Sokka and Aang. "You did that on purpose didn't you?"

Zuko slumped his shoulders. "You guys are cruel, just try the damn drink!"

Katara sighed and brought the cup to her lips, taking a small sip. After a moment, she took another sip, then another, and before they knew it, the cup was empty.

She licked her lips and smiled at the creator of this amazing new drink.

"Zuko, you've really out done yourself here." He smiled ear to ear.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Sokka held up his hands as if to slow down a busy road. He looked at Katara skeptically. "Your saying Zuko actually made something _good_?"

"Its amazing!" She said as Zuko poured her another cup full, but before she could grab it Sokka was already drinking it.

After downing the whole thing he looked at Zuko with a mischievous grin. "I've got one word for you Zuko, and I want in on this." Zuko winced, scared of what it might be. Sokka looked between Zuko and the rest of the group, pausing for dramatic effect.

"_Marketing_."

**A/N: Get it! Sokka wants to open a coffee shop!haha! yyeeaahh... let me know how the rates on the funny-meter, 1 being totaly crappy, and 5 being OMG ROTFLMAO! **

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	21. No Physical Contact

"I'm not enjoying this anymore than you are," Zuko informed her as Sokka sat them opposite each other on the stone ground of the Western Air Temple.

"Look, this is the only thing I've come up with that might work things out between you two." Sokka informed.

"I thought you were supposed to be the smart one, Sokka." Katara crossed her arms over her chest in a gesture to prove she was _defiantly_ not enjoying this. Sokka glared at her, but ignored her comment.

"Katara, just say what you normally would. Both of you act like you've never met before." Sokka then sat back to watch before remembering something. "Oh, and no physical contact in anyway." Both benders groaned in unison. Sokka cleared his throat, and gestured to Zuko. "Begin."

Zuko rolled his eyes but played along, remembering all the pick-up lines Sokka had taught him. "Uh, can I have your name?" He tried, offering a small grin.

"Why? Don't you have one?" Katara said without missing a beat. Zuko frowned.

"Er, haven't I seen you someplace before?"

"Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore." She smirked, and Zuko furrowed his brows in rising frustration.

"So what to you do for a living?"

"I'm a female impersonator." She replied, raising an eyebrow mockingly. Zuko sighed.

"Katara be serious," Sokka interjected.

"You said say what I normally would, and this is exactly what I'd say to an annoying jerk trying to hit on me." Katara glared at Zuko menacingly. Sokka sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"Keep going Zuko."

Zuko glanced at Sokka, but continued. Packing as much sincerity and heart as humanly possible into his next line. "Your beautiful Katara."

Katara lost her composer for the slightest fraction of a second, but as quick as it came it was gone. "Really? I must have gotten your share."

"You must turn a few heads," he tried again with newfound courage.

She hesitated slightly, a light blush covering her cheeks. "You must turn a few stomachs." She said with as much venom as she could without strait out spitting on him. He smirked. He looked right into her ocean blue eyes, leaning closer to her for emphasis. "Your eyes are amazing."

Her eyes darted to the ground. "Seeing your back would be pretty amazing."

"Where have you been all my life?" She took in a ragged breath.

"Hiding from you," she said, but it was only half-heartedly.

"I would go to the end of the earth for you, Katara." He said, not breaking eye contact, and leaning in closer.

She bit her bottom lip. "But would you stay there?"

"I think I could make you very happy, Katara." He gave her his best crooked grin.

"W-Why? Are you leaving?"

"What would you say if I asked you to marry me?" He asked playfully.

She gulped, her expression turning helpless. "N-Nothing, I can't talk and laugh at the same time." She bit her bottom lip. He had her now. He leaned in as close as he could, their faces mere inches apart.

"If I could see you naked I'd-"

"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!" Sokka suddenly stood up, his hands raised as if in surrender. "Hold up a minute."

"I'm just saying what you told me to Sokka," Zuko said, and Katara gasped, pulling her hand back and colliding it with his cheek, resulting in a satisfying _smack_.

Zuko yelled a word Katara had never heard before and glared at her, "That doesn't mean I didn't _mean_ it!"

"_Aww_," Katara cooed, her violent temper dissolving.

"Take that back!" Sokka shouted, implying Zuko's last comment about Katara's unclothed parts.

Zuko shrugged. "You said save that line for last."

"I was JOKING!" He raised his arms above his head for emphasis. "You never say that to a girl! She'll slap you silly!"

"Yeah, I got a taste of that." Zuko said, rubbing the sore spot where Katara had hit him.

"Sorry about that, Zuko." Katara smiled apologetically, sitting up and leaning over to give him a kiss on his hurt cheek. Zuko saw her advance and twisted his head so her lips landed on his. She gasped and pulled back, giggling, before Zuko jumped on her and began kissing her heatedly.

"HEY!" Sokka shouted, but they ignored him. "I said _no_ _physical contact_!"

**First short of the year! I hope this was worth the wait (?) let me know if it wasnt (or was). Because if I get enough reviwes about it, then I'll post another short about Zuko trying (and failing) to hit on Katara ;) **

**REVIEW!**

**SUBSCRIBE!**

**3 THANK YOU! **


	22. The Music Box

**A little late but here is my Valentines day entry. I thought it was a cute idea and I wanted to make a V-day story just for Zutara. I hope you enjoy it ;)**

"Where'd Snoozles say Sparky keeps his whiskey again?" Toph asked Katara as she sightlessly opened and felt around in the boxer filled drawers of Zuko's dresser.

"Stop it, Toph!" Katara said hastily and went to get her away from the Fire Lord's undergarments, but it was too late. Toph's curious grin turned devilish when her hand found something hard, square, and wooden.

"What's this?" Toph fingered the wood rimmed case, opening it to hear a soft melody like summer wind chimes flow out of it. The beat was irregular but sweet, and filled the room with its melody.

"It's an old music box," Katara said with awe. She never would have pictured Zuko as being the sentimental type, but it obviously couldn't have belonged to him, besides the fact that it was hidden in his underwear drawer.

Toph, realizing it wasn't alcohol, shrugged and tossed the trinket to Katara. But, being blind, her aim was a little off.

Katara could only gasp and clasp her hands over her mouth as the antique flew over Zuko's bed to the floor across the room. It hit the ground hard, shattering into three equal pieces of wood with various shards of small metal parts strewn around it.

"Toph!" Katara screeched as she jumped around Zuko's bed to the mess.

Toph shrugged nonchalantly. "What'd I do?" Katara didn't answer. She frantically began cleaning up the mess of parts. If Zuko had cared enough about this object to hide it, then he was not going to be happy if he found it broken on his bedroom floor. They weren't even supposed to be in his room. Zuko had made it very clear at the beginning of the summer when the gaang had agreed to vacation at the Palace, that his room was off limits. Unlike the others, Katara respected his wished and only went in his room when he was there. Mostly just to talk in private; though the occasional drunken goodnight kisses were getting more and more heated. Even on nights when Zuko hadn't had a sip of Fire-Whiskey he'd kiss her goodnight.

"I cant believe you Toph!" Katara scolded, putting the broken music box in the fabric of her tunic and holding it like a basket. "You really-"

"Ah ha!" She cheered. "I fount a full bottle of… something." She lightly shook the glass bottle so she could hear the swish of the liquid inside. Katara sighed in frustration and defeat. She'd have to fix the box herself then.

Katara stood up and began walked away just as Toph popped open the lid of the bottle.

"Oh, Toph?"

"What Sugarqueen?" Toph frowned, about to take a swig of the brownish liquid.

"That's pond water."

Her sightless eyes widened, the bottle halfway to her lips. "What? Why is there pond water in a whiskey glass?" She demanded. Katara rolled her eyes.

"Maybe Zuko did that so you would stop stealing all his-"

_Thud, thud, thud._

"That's Sparky!" Toph put the lid back on the bottle and stuffed it in the drawer, then the two hurried out the door that led to the garden.

"You really think you're gonna fix Sparky's fancy box?" Toph asked skeptically, taking another bite of her apple while Katara tried to piece back together the multitude of small gears and wires.

Heaving a sigh she replied: "No, I suppose not. But I had to try."

"What are you gonna do with it then?" Katara frowned.

"I don't know… I guess I'll have to tell Zuko the truth," she shot Toph a glare.

"That you broke it?" Toph asked, grinning. Katara was about to argue, but thought better of it. It was pointless to argue with someone as stubborn as her.

"I'll see what Sokka can do."

"It's broken all right," Sokka stated simply. Katara frowned.

"I know. Can you fix it, please?" She tried to keep the irritation out of her voice. It was getting late, and Zuko would be expecting her in his room soon.

"Are you in a hurry or something?" Sokka asked while he grabbed various tools and materials she didn't recognize.

"Why do you say that?" She fidgeted with the hem of her skirt. Obviously she couldn't tell her older brother that his best friend was making advances on his sister, and she wasn't telling him no. But she'd never been a great liar either.

"I don't know you just seem uncomfortable." He shrugged passively and began working on the music box with complete focus while Katara paced behind him.

"Uh, Katara?" Sokka finally broke the long silence.

"Did you fix it?" Katara demanded hopefully, standing up out of her chair.

"Er… no." He held up the box. The wood was taped together and when he opened it the music that flowed out was scratchy and off key. Katara's face fell, she felt on the verge of tears.

"But-"

"Sorry sis, but its just a music box. Why do you care so much about it anyway? I've never even seen it before." She silently scolded herself for not telling him it was Zuko's, but that would have started a barrage of questions she had no intention of answering.

"It… It just is." He opened his mouth to ask something else but she cut him off by taking the ugly mess of a music box.

"Thanks for trying," She said on her way out.

She only had to knock once before he answered the door, a crooked grin playing on his lips. His smile fell into a line as he saw his mother's music box crumpled in Katara's hands. He furrowed his eyebrows and gave her a questioning look.

"I'm sorry," She began. "I found it in your drawer and it sort of… dropped. I tried to fix it but it didn't work, then Sokka tried to fix it and made it worse." She spoke hastily, then held the box out for him. To her surprise, he laughed.

"I cant believe this," he ran a hand through his loose shaggy hair that she loved so much. "I _really_ can't believe this." He said again with amusement.

"I don't understand," Katara said slowly. Zuko's crooked grin returned as he pushed the box back into her hands and leaned down to look her in the eyes.

"This music box was my mothers when she was young, apparently her first love had given it to her as a way of asking her to go-out with him or something." He shrugged and paused, searching Katara's eyes. "I was going to give it to you." She blinked, hardly believing what she had heard.

"W-what?" He chuckled and pulled her into his room, shutting the door behind them.

"Katara," he put a hand under her chin so she would look up at him. "Its my special way of asking you to be my girlfriend." A smile broke out on her lips and she giggled, then laughed as she understood the irony of the situation. He stared blankly at her, clearly confused by her outburst. Which only made her laugh harder until he finally demanded to know what her answer was.

She stood up on her tiptoes and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "I would love to be your girlfriend, Zuko."

"Good," he sighed with relief. "Because that-" he pointed to the broken music box "-is yours now." She laughed and kissed him again.

**The ending was a little faster than I like, but i'm just glad I got it out of my head. Let me know what you think! I appreciate it more than yall know!**

**Review and Subscribe please!**


	23. The Forbidden Word

**A/N: READ FIRST! This was an impulse write... I blame it on the late night and too much comedy central. If you havent noticed, my shorts are getting closer and closer to the line between T and M ratings... or am I the only one who sees it? Either way, this is where I draw the line, so just know that my shorts "shouldnt" get any more M rated than this. I cant say I'm 'proud' of this short, but it was much to funny to pass up. And I wanted to share it with Yall. **

**Let me know what you think! **

"Say it."

"I don't want to."

"Say it!"

"I don't think I should."

"SAY IT!"

"I cant!"

"ZUKO!" Sokka pleaded to the passing older boy.

"What?" He replied as he walked over to them.

"What's that part of a girl that guys don't have?"

"Boobs?" Zuko asked, not missing a beat.

"No, lower."

"You mean they're…" he waved his hand at the hem of his pants. Sokka nodded. "Vagina?"

"YES!" Sokka exclaimed and Aang shuddered, clasping his hands over his ears. "You see Aang, men can say it, so to be a man. You have to say it."

"Maybe I'm not cut out to be a man then-"

"Well we knew that," Zuko commented matter-of-factly. Sokka stifled a giggle as Aang glared at him half-heartedly.

"Listen Aang, you like girls right?" Aang shrugged in embarrassment.

"I guess so-"

"Wait, wait, wait." Zuko interrupted by waving his hands in front of him to get their attention. "Your not sure?" Aang shrugged again, the already scarlet colored blush on his cheeks darkened.

"How can you not be sure?" Sokka asked in astonishment.

"I know I like one girl…" Aang rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Go on…" Sokka prompted.

"I don't think you want to know Sokka."

"What's her name?" He asked anyway, ignoring his warning.

"Sokka-"

"I always that that was a nice name for a girl," Zuko commented with a smirk towards his best friend. Sokka rolled his eyes but ignored him.

"What's her name, Aang?"

"I-uh-Zuko-"

"No that's my name." Zuko smirked at the uncomfortable airbender. Aang sighed in frustration.

"Katara. Ok. I like Katara a lot." Sokka nodded knowingly. But beside him Zuko choked down a laugh, and tried to hide it with coughs.

"I knew this already Aang." Sokka pointed out. "Heck, the world knew this before Katara did."

"That girl's pretty oblivious to guys feelings for her," Zuko wisely noted more to himself than the other two.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sokka inquired, turning in his seat to look challengingly at the other boy.

"Yeah, what does it mean?" Aang piped in. Zuko froze with both boys' eyes on him. He didn't blush, and he didn't act awkward about it. He simply shrugged in reply.

"I see the way guys look at her." Zuko said.

"Yeah, so do I. But I'm not joining in. Are you?" Sokka raised an eyebrow at him. Aang sat on the rock, his shoulders trembling, looking like he had just been sold out to the enemy by Appa and Momo.

"So what if I am? At least I've gotten somewhere with it." He didn't even try to hide his pride. Aang nearly fainted. If it wasn't for the little self control he'd learned while traveling the world, he would have attacked his firebending teacher. While Aang was freaking out, Sokka was cool and collected. Which was rare for him when something involved his baby sister's innocence.

"Gotten where, exactly." Sokka asked cautiously as he slowly got to his feet. Zuko smirked and, for the first time, looked away. A light blush covered his features. Aang gasped, but Sokka was still suspicious.

"Lets just say, your sister has a tight v-" Sokka had tackled him before he could get out the forbidden word.

**A/N: well? how was it? on a scale of 1-10 how funny was it? 1 being crap and 10 being a solid LMFAO! moment. **

**REVIEW! SUBSCRIBE! otherwise I will have no reason to write any more :'( **


	24. Spar Jealousy

**MUST READ **

**A/N:** Every Zutara story nowadays starts with Zuko sitting in his office hunched over some massive mound of paperwork that he _must_ do in order to be the great and powerful Fire Lord that we all know Zuko to be. I move that we change that 'easy' writing style that's become so casual as of late, and begin stories with more originality.

If we're going to call ourselves true fanfiction writers, then lets live up to the title.

I challenge all my readers to send me the most original opening for a story that your lovely minds can conjure up. It can be something simple—though I hope for your sake that your have more imagination that that—to something the world of Avatar will never see coming.

You may be asking yourself: "Why do I want to give some writer my idea?"

My answer: Because I'm ill people. Sick with writers block. It's a bad case too, one I would never wish upon my most hated enemy.

But then again, I never liked to receive gifts out of pity, so here's my real proposition: You give me an exciting opening to a story, and I will mix and jumble everything that everyone gives me into the most epic Avatar Gaang fanfic you have ever set your eyes on. If my hopes and dreams come true, you, my readers, will literally be knocked out by the pure hilariousness and or true awesomeness of this fic.

If you dare take on my challenge, then send me a review with your idea. Or, if you don't want to give away your amazing idea, send me a PM so no one will expect what's to come.

What do you say? You gonna help out a poor unfortunate soul with a block to her writing genius? For the sake of Zuzu's good name, send me your idea so I don't end up with a bunch of idiotic ideas like "Instead of his office, the War Chamber" or "Oooo the bedroom is always a good place to start" because honestly, we're all a lot smarter than that.

So, in short—because what I just wrote was anything but—as a fellow fanficer, I make you an Avatar Promise to brew up the most epic, mind busting, electrifying, boomerangtastic fanfic that you cant help but applaud those who sent in ideas. And I do applaud you. I am sitting at my computer desk right this second looking at your user name and giving you a hand for your incredible mind.

Now that that's out of the way, without further adu, here is** SPAR JEALOUSY**.

"Hey Zuko, want to spar?" Aang asked his Firebending teacher one afternoon.

"Actually I-" Zuko began to agree when he was cut off by a certain blind earthbender.

"_I_ was about to ask Sparky to spar with me, Twinkletoes." Toph said stubbornly, stomping her foot like a three year old.

"Well I-" Zuko tried to speak again.

"C'mon guys, why don't you let Zuko practice with his opposite element." Katara stepped up, hands on her hips, ready to battle it out with whomever stepped in her way.

"Hey I was-" This was starting to get on Zuko's nerves.

"Oh please Sugarqueen, you're hardly a challenge for Sparky." Toph waved her off as if she were an annoying child. "While I on the other hand can kick his fancy Fire Lord ass!" She explained with pride in her unseeing eyes.

"I've beaten Zuko plenty of times for your information!" Katara's face turned red with anger while Aang stepped up between them.

"I don't agree or disagree with anything you two are saying, but as the Avatar and master of all four elements I must point out that I can defeat Zuko better than any of you." Aang's tone was polite and noble, but the insult behind it was not unheard by the two stubborn girls.

"Excuse me?" Katara demanded, hands on her hips, glaring venomously at the savior of the earth. "You don't honestly think you're a better waterbender than the very master who taught you, do you?" Aang visibly shrunk in on himself like a scared little boy.

"First of all, Princess, he _is_ a better waterbender than you. But his earthebending sucks!"

"Guy's you don't-" Zuko attempted again but was cut off.

"My earthbending is just fine!" Aang defended at the same time Katara said: "His waterbending lacks discipline and is _so_ not better than mine!"

Suddenly all three were clumped together and in each other's faces.

"Oh yeah-"

"You know what-"

"I'm tired of-"

"HEY!" Zuko yelled, sending a flock of sparrowkeet's dramatically flying out of a nearby tree at the sudden noise.

Six eyes locked on Zuko with surprise, they had almost forgotten he was there.

Zuko cleared his throat and jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "I already sparred with Sokka." Sure enough there was a banged up Sokka laying flat on his back on the ground with his sword clutched tightly in one fist.

**A/N: Let me know what you thought, because like I said above, ya'll are smart people and know what a good short is. So tell me if this is one ;)**

**REVIEW/SUBSCRIBE! That little button under here is feeling awfully lonly and would like to meet your mouse pointer ;)**


	25. Chick Magnet

**A Sokka and Hakoda story that just came to me and has been sitting on my computer for who knows how long. Sorry there's no Zuko in this one, but I'll be sure to get my next one up soon. And thank you to AnnaAza for sending me an idea for my epic Team Avatar fic. The reason I havent put anything up yet is because no one else has sent me anything. But I am working on it, it's mulling around in the back on my mind nagging me to write something down. Anyway, enjoy this short fic and let me know what you thought. **

**Chick Magnet**

This was Hokada's first visit to the Fire Nation—not counting when he was attacking it—and he was nervous to walk around the heavily populated Fire Nation capitol with so many guards and Firebenders nearby. But as his escort, Sokka assured his father that the people here were more afraid of him then he was of them.

Not that he was scared, mind you.

"And this is where they blew up the statue of Ozai," Sokka was saying as he led his father down the busy market street lined with fancy shops that sold everything from Fire whisky to Fire gummies. While this was Sokka's favorite place to be—considering his obsession with shopping—Hakoda didn't share that passion and over all found the place quite boring.

The one thing that Hakoda did find quite interesting however, was the reaction of the young Fire Nation girls whenever him and Sokka walked by. Heck, even some of the guys where looking over with interest.

"Oh and you've gotta see the glass blower, Dad, it's amazing!" Sokka said with overwhelming enthusiasm and hand gestures. But Hakoda wasn't listening. He was watching as a group of girls giggle and blushed as they walked by. Another pair a few yards away were trying to attract attention by flipping their hair or acting as if the sun was scorching them and forcing them to shed clothing, all the while making seductive expression and moaning.

Hakoda smirked, pride filling his chest. "Ah-hem, Sokka?" Sokka stopped talking about the exquisite pastries that were sold at the bakery long enough to smile at his father.

"Yeah dad?"

"Have you noticed all these girls looking at us?" Sokka furrowed his eyebrows and looked around him to see all the females start hyperventilating when they thought he was looking at them.

Sokka rolled his eyes and said to his father sarcastically: "Yeah, Dad, you're a real chick magnet."


	26. Butterfly Moments

**A/N: I know, I know, a year and two months is ridiculouse to leave a drabble searies un-updated, but I have excuses. To be totaly honest, though I know very few people acctually read these, last December my world sort of crashed. My Dad passed away unexpectedly and since then I havent been writing near as often as I used too. Plus college and the facts of life, but I felt I owed you an explanation. What's awful is I cant remember most of my stories anymore. It's been a while. **

**In regards to Ledgend of Korra, I havent written a single thing for it. Shocking! I know. I feel the series hasent given us enough enformation to make for a good fan fiction story. Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm lacking the creativity I had when I was younger, but nevertheless I'm sticking to the world I know! ATLA is all I'm writing right now. At least until inspiration strikes and something gets typed up that's a little more than crap, which most everything is. **

**Anyway, excuse my rambling, no one reads these anyway, and I'd be surprised if anyone still read this drabble at all! Here's something that was on my computer but never finished. I acctually wrote it October of last 2011, so it's in the same humor as the rest. I'm embrassed by the writing, I'm really a lot better, but it's what I had and I felt like sharring. **

**Please enjoy!**

"Hey guys check this one out!" Aang's excited voice came from across the room as he airbended himself to another display. "It looks just like the ones we had at the Southern Air Temple!"

Zuko sighed in exasperation at the same time Sokka's palm collided with his forehead.

From the moment they had walked into the accursed butterfly museum Aang had claimed that everything reminded him of his home. Which was all fine and dandy but it didn't mean he had to exclaim it to the world every ten seconds!

"Look! I had a friend who kept one of these in a jar, he named it Twitter." Two seconds after the words had left his mouth Aang was looking at something else. It was unnerving that the savior of the earth could have the attention span of a squirrel-pigeon.

"How long is he going to keep acting like this?" Zuko whispered to Katara, who was reading a pamphlet about the mating habits of the Malachite species.

"As long as it makes him happy it's worth our sacrifice." Katara answered absently, though Zuko was doubtful.

"That's your answer for everything, isn't it?" She glanced up at him and glared half heartedly, only causing him to smirk and decide on a way for him to actually have fun on this field trip.

"What are you reading?" He asked, though he already knew.

"Something about how butterflies make babies," she shrugged, not looking up.

"That's sexy. If you get turned on I won't judge if you jump on me like a hungry Wolf-Bat." He said crudely, adding a wink for effect. She blushed and put down the paper.

"What do you want?"

"World peace." He replied smartly. "I though that was our goal? You know, before we decided winged insects were more important than the well-being of the world."

Katara scoffed and rolled her eyes. "You're just determined to have a bad time, aren't you?"

"Toph's not here, so what else am I supposed to do?"

"Why don't you try and learn something?" She suggested pointedly. "Look, even Sokka is taking an interest."

Sokka stood at the opposite corner of the room staring intently at a glass display while making odd faces in the reflection.

"Yeah, I will defiantly start acting more like Sokka." Zuko said sarcastically. He glanced down at Katara and they both laughed.

Katara nudged him in the arm. "What would Toph say if she saw us right now?" Currently Toph was touring the Earth Kingdom with Earth Rumble seven as The Runaway. Last they heard she had defeated every opponent from Goaling to Omashu and was the reigning champ.

"I can't even begin to assess that vicious little mind," Zuko chuckled, "But probably something along the lines of, 'Hey Sokka I think this one is the prettiest'." Katara giggled.

"Or, 'Why did we come here when I can't see anything!'" Katara laughed heartily but Zuko staid silent. "What?"

"Leave the jokes to the professionals, Princess." Said Princess frowned.

"Coming from the most stiff and humorless guy on the planet."

Now it was Zuko's turn to frown.

"Ok so neither of us are very funny, but you have to admit I do have my moments."

"Yes, you do have your moments—the awkward and dumb ones." Katara picked, nudging him again with her shoulder.

"Nevertheless, you laughed." Zuko smirked and returned her nudge. A moment passed where they both looked at each other, a happy, peaceful moment where there was no arguing or crude jokes, just two good friends sharing a laugh, and was he reaching for Katara's hand? A different type of butterflies floated in her stomach, and then—

"Hey guys! I remember seeing these flying all over the Southern Temple! They usually only came in the fall, but sometimes we found a few sticking around during the Winter." Aang's eager tone filled the space between Zuko and Katara, who jerkily took a step away from each other and tried to look preoccupied with something else.

A few minutes later Katara smirked over at Zuko.

"Promise not to judge if I jump on you like a hungry Wolf-Bat? It might liven things up around here."

Zuko chuckled. "And here I thought you couldn't make a joke."

**Tell me what you think! too many people never review and it frustraits me. Just say, Good story, or Crappy idea. It's all I need! Thank you and Happy New Years! WOO 2013!**


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